Coming Home
by Dumedion7256
Summary: Post ME3. Shepard struggles to find a way through the pain. Liara struggles to reach her. Thank you for your indulgence, this is just a rambling exercise, a bit out of my comfort zone. (All credit where it's due: Bioware owns ME and these characters.) Rated M for very good reasons.
1. Chapter 1

ONE:

No more pain

Revealed too much

Undone

She sat in an empty apartment, slouched into a beaten faux-swede chair facing the panel of windows. The blinders were closed tight, yet the dull illumination of the rebuilt cityscape beyond cast just enough light in to cast her in a dull amber glow. Every so often the headlights from some passing sky-car would flare brightly, pulling at the shadows as it passed.

The place was sparsely furnished. Lonely furniture remained; all her trinkets, model ships, pictures and clothes had been packed and stowed in storage. It was difficult, rummaging through the past, but she did it with her usual thoroughness and attention to detail. In the end, it felt liberating, in a way. It was over, regardless.

She sat half dressed in dress blues, her left arm draped over the armrest of the chair, her right hand holding her head. Her thumb and forefinger massaged and pinched the bridge of her nose, finding pressure points, trying to ease the pounding in her skull. It didn't help. It never did.

Her mind replayed the events of the past few weeks for the hundredth time. The testimonies before Parliament. The interviews. The Council. More interviews. The look on Hackett's face, as he told her the reality of it all. _She was too hot, politically, with too many people asking too many questions._ People have such short memories. It didn't take long at all for them to forget that the Reapers were gone, and the sacrifices made by the few to defend the many. They needed a _new_ enemy – something to lash out at in a galaxy reduced to rubble and ruin. She understood that. _Hate is a powerful motivator._

God knows she wasn't proud of what she had to do to win. She never asked for any of this. Living after the War shouldn't have been harder than going through it. She did it to herself, every day, for eight years. She put on the mask, put on the armor, lived the charade. _They_ asked it of her. It was expected, it was her _duty._ Now, with the stroke of a pen, that duty – that _purpose –_ was over.

She didn't break. She nodded and agreed, smiled and shook hands. She told them it was time for a change. She told them she was ready to move on, _that she had plans._ Lies – all of it. She was so tired of the lies. Tired of the platitudes, the endless attention and praise, the uneasy glances and hushed voices. Most of all, she was tired of lying to herself.

The truth sat on the end-table next to her, beside the sweating glass of water she poured an hour ago. The Carnifex Mk. V pistol was an old friend, the very same that killed everything so long ago. She kept it close, all this time, fighting the inevitable.

 _For what?_ Nothing. She pushed everyone she cared about away, because she couldn't face the truth. She buried herself in work, in rebuilding the lives left shattered by her actions, attempting to outrun _fate._

 _None of it matters,_ she almost laughs. _I don't get another chance. I don't deserve one. I did my duty. I got the job done. I shouldn't be here anymore._

She stands, the mechanical servos in her left arm and leg purring with the movement. She grips the heavily medaled jacket draped over the back of the chair and pulls it on with a small smile. It feels good to wear it, one last time. She faces the long mirror on the opposite wall, adjusting her tie and gig line.

Her dark red hair looks almost black in the gloom. Tired green eyes drift over a face marred by scars. The pockmarked flesh dominates the left side of her angular face, reaching up past her ear and into her hairline. She reaches down to the coffee table, gripping the medal there. Her first Terran Honor Cross, the one she earned on Akuze. _For the ones lost that day. Never for me._

She runs through her mental checklist again. Personal effects, _check._ Finances, _left for the Foundation._ Records, _therapy journals deleted._ That last one had been far easier than she realized. The years of therapy and medication were not going to be missed. No one needed to see what she carried. She doubted anyone honestly cared.

With a final nod and a calm breath, she hefts the Carnifex, turning the weapon over in her hands. _God knows I tried. I tried to be what they wanted. I tried to give them all the peace they deserved. I'm so tired of it - tired of the pain, of the lies. I never should have been here. I didn't deserve this, after everything I've done – and failed to do._

With the deftness of a soldier with years of combat experience she chambers a fresh round.

 _This…is it. No more legend. No more lies. No more pain._

As a single tear burned down from her right eye through her freckled cheek, Valerie Shepard raises the muzzle to her temple.

* * *

Liara T'Soni paced before the large wall-mounted vid screen of her study as she listened and tried to control her emotions. It was nearly midday on Thessia, a beautiful day, with the windows and doors open to the bright sunshine. The warm summer breeze caught the light drapes and blinds, filling the room of books and antiquities with the scent of wildflowers and life from the gardens beyond. _No one should be so angry on such a gorgeous day._

Cerulean eyes tracked the vid screen, watching the atrocious debate taking place. Two humans, both males, sat locked in argument. Both wore tight, needlessly flashy suits with poorly chosen ties and both looked far to old and _soft_ to have ever held a weapon in their lives. _And yet, they sit and speak of possibly the greatest soldier who ever lived with judgement,_ she scowled with the thought.

'Senator,' the first man began, with his hands folded neatly before him and the name _Fletcher Creed_ displayed in graphics below his portrait. 'There are those among your – and your parties – detractors that claim you're simply using the "Shepard" issues to further your own political agenda. How do you respond?'

Senator Wilhelm Krant smiled smugly at the question, folding his own chubby digits across his synthetic-woven bulk. 'A fair question, Mr. Creed,' he paused for a ridiculously rehearsed moment of effect. 'I believe – and I am _not_ alone, that the more important question here is: why no one seems to be willing to discuss the issues at all? Make no mistake, Shepard and the military as a whole defeated the enemy, no one argues that. Yet the _cost_ of said victory – who is left to account for that? Millions missing as the Reapers collapsed, the Relays damaged, the Galactic Market in ruins…the list goes on and on,' he paused again, pointing a digit at the camera. ' _And now_ , we get report after report of everything from assaulting a member of the press – to outright _killing_ anyone and anything that got in her way?'

Liara seethed, tendrils of dark energy flaring in sporadic arcs across her lithe body. She could feel the anger seeping into her limbs as she watched, and as the sensation reached her fingers, her hands balled into tightly packed fists. _The arrogance,_ she fumed. _The sheer, ungrateful hubris._

Krant wasn't finished. 'No, a formal inquiry into Shepard's actions needs to happen – her precious position as a – here he used quote marks in the air – _Council Spectre_ be damned. The people of Earth, _her people_ , have a right to know exactly _how_ that war was fought. _And,_ how the so-called _allies_ of the galaxy managed to bounce back from that trillion-credit doomsday device so much faster than _us.'_

Creed's eyebrows shot up at the implication. 'You suspect alien influence regarding the Crucible's deployment, Senator?'

Krant shrugged, the same smug smile plastered on his sweating face. 'I find it incredibly _convenient_ that of all the worlds in all the galaxy, the final battle scars the birth-world of humanity. I find it _convenient_ that the plans for said weapon were found – and most likely deciphered – by none other than Dr. Liara T'Soni, an _asari_ archeologist of no special qualification or position, who _just happened_ to be in the right place at the right time.'

Liara felt her control snap, locking the vid screen in a crushing embrace with her biotics. Without an ounce of effort, she wrenched it from the wall and hurled it across the room, shattering it against the towering bookshelves there. ' _You bastards,_ ' she hissed.

A soft voice carried in the pregnant silence following the crash. 'Again, _Domina?'_

Liara sighed, turning into the sunlight. She held her crested head back, her hands on her hips, breathing in the warmth to calm herself. 'I am in no mood for a lecture, _Captain._ '

Danyssa V'Laani stepped into the room from her position overlooking the gardens, her dark blue skin sharply contrasting the white and teal colors of her commando leathers. Her face was set in a mask of concern, pulling at the dark lines of her facial tattoos. Golden eyes speckled with black eyed the wreckage of the screen warily. 'You do realize how much those cost,' she gestured to the wreck, causing the sheathed sword at her back to shift – the billowing drapes catching on the scabbard. 'That makes three in the past year,' she continued after freeing herself from the drapes.

Liara smiled briefly before resting her hand across her forehead. 'I know, Danyssa. I am sorry.'

The Guard Captain shrugged, moving into Liara's peripheral vision. 'My duty is your life, _Domina,_ not your possessions. Do with them what you will – though I admit I am curious,' Danyssa paused as Liara turned to her, her brow arched.

'Yes?' Liara prompted.

The Captain tilted her head then, her confusion plain on her face. 'Why do you concern yourself with humans? Why do you allow their bickering,' again she gestures to the wreckage, 'to upset you so?'

Liara sighed again, turning back to the light. 'Shepard,' she whispered, closing her eyes. In her mind, she saw that savagely beautiful woman as she once was – fierce and kind, trusting and mysterious, terrifying and loving. She remembered the feeling of her fingers sliding through silken red locks, of losing herself in those fiercely perceptive emerald eyes.

' _Domina_?'

Dropping her head, Liara lets the memories fade. 'Shepard was… _is,_ my friend, Danyssa,' she pauses, turning to return to her desk, intending to take matters into her own hands. 'She deserves better than _them_.'

Danyssa nods. 'Perhaps you should tell _her_ that?'

Liara stopped mid stride, eyeing her Captain. _It is possible I have revealed more than I intended, or simply spent too much time around her,_ she mused.

'I mean no offense, _Domina_.'

'I know, Danyssa,' Liara huffs. 'Be at ease. I am…guarded, regarding her. We…well, we have not spoken in many years,' she resigned, seating herself at her desk. Nearly endless stacks of data-slates, OSD's, and archaic leather-bound books dominated the surface. She feigned interest in something to keep her hands busy. 'And please Danyssa, do not stand on ceremony with me in private. You have known me long enough to know better.'

Danyssa spread her hands. 'If I may, _Liara,_ and forgive me if I overstep,' she paused, seeking the right words. 'I have watched over you since you returned from the War. You are driven, obsessed even, with the reconstruction efforts of the Republic, to the exclusion of all else: save one thing.'

Liara pinched the bridge of her nose. _I have revealed too much. Atheyta would find this hilarious._

'It is…complicated, Danyssa.'

The Guard Captain shrugged again. 'Most relationships are.' When Liara shot her the same arched-brow look, Danyssa continued. 'I am six hundred and eighty years old, Liara. I have lost two bond-mates in that time. I have no regrets, because I know that I lived every moment I could with them. I see you, _here_ , when it is so obvious that your heart is _out there_ , and I wonder. Why do you not act?'

Liara's fist slammed against the desk so quickly, the resounding thump barked like a gunshot. ' _She does not want to be with me,_ ' she seethed, regretting the outburst as soon as she hissed it. Hiding her flushed face in her hands, she concentrated on breathing. _I wish she did, so much._

Danyssa approached with the steady pace of a parent, resting a gloved hand on Liara's shoulder. 'It has been some time since you spoke,' she offered. 'Perhaps something has changed? Humans live short, chaotic lives Liara. Would it hurt to try?'

Liara thought on it. _It could. Very much so._

* * *

Valerie shut her eyes, pressing the blackened muzzle harder into her temple as her hand started to shake. She squeezed them shut as the images burned into her mind, unbidden and random scenes from what seemed like another life:

 _Joker, grinning as he toasted her behind a bar. Wrex, launching himself into a wave of Geth, his booming laughter louder than the cacophony of battle itself. Garrus, his mandibles flaring in a grin, telling her that he is with her, for what it's worth._

 _'_ Stop it,' she growls through trembling lips.

 _Tali, her head tilted, her hands on her hips, calling her a string of Quarian obscenities as she giggles. Jack's face after she hears her say that she had never met anyone like her before; her wordless expression of shocking innocence broken by that sneer of feigned disinterest. Taylor, his open expression of gratitude for saving his people – and soon to be wife._

'They don't need you anymore,' she hisses through clenched teeth.

 _Miranda, watching her sister with tears in her eyes and a genuine smile. Samara, holding her daughter in her arms, nodding her thanks. Grunt, thanking her for getting him out of the tank, his toothy grin plastered wide. Thane, telling her that destroying evil is not the same as creating good._

'They're gone! Just do it, _you fucking coward_ ,' she sobs, her body trembling.

 _Kaiden and Ashley, arguing over kill-counts. Mordin singing. Zaeed laughing. Kasumi rummaging through her underwear. Legion, asking her if he has a soul._

 _'_ _Do. It. You. Fucking. Coward,'_ she screams, slamming the pistol into her head with every word.

 _Vega, grinning up at her after she tossed him on his muscled ass for the 40_ _th_ _time. EDI, smiling at her behind Joker's back. Anderson, smiling his knowing smile and nodding as he turned away._

'N-no…please,' she begs, feeling the last of her strength fade.

 _Blue eyes, impossibly deep, so full of innocent love that it makes her heart ache, and a voice so soft telling her that she loves her. They melt into each other, rapturous, whole, unbound, beneath the glow of the Normandy's mass effect drive._

She is undone.

Her arm falls limp at her side, the pistol clatters to the floor from nerveless fingers. She crashes to her knees, sobbing uncontrollably. Every ragged breath is agony – undeserved, unwanted. She doubles over, ripping the coat from her torso, hearing the buttons _ping_ off into the empty space she called home. She howls into the carpet until her lungs burn. There is nothing but the pain, the _heartache,_ the crushing weight of years of regret and loss. She drowns in it, a living corpse, choking on the mistakes of the past and the roads not traveled.

Time passes, and she finds herself curled fetal. A strange beeping noise echoes through the silence. _The hell?_

She pulls herself up to sit, running a hand through tear slicked hair. Her eyes follow her ears, seeking the source of the irritating sound. She finds it, coming from the extranet console in the adjacent room. It used to be a small workspace. The desk was still there, with a chair and nothing else.

She rips the tie from her white collar, popping the first two top buttons with it as she sits. She runs a hand over the right side of her face, sniffing wetly. No need for anyone to see her for the mess that she was.

She activates the haptic interface, squinting against the bright orange glow of the holographic interface. The words displayed in bold lettering make her breath catch in her throat.

 **Incoming vid-call – Asari Republics, Thessia, T'Soni Estate**


	2. Chapter 2

TWO:

Nerves

Thessia

Goodbye

Liara couldn't keep her fingers still as she sat waiting for the call to connect. Part of her wholly accepted the fact that Shepard wouldn't answer. The other part hoped she did - yet had no idea what to say. She had never been good with talking to people, even after all the years spent mixed up in galactic events. She learned a great deal from her time aboard the Normandy, even more as her short tenure as the Shadow Broker. _And yet, my nerves betray me._

'Hello Liara,' her voice was coarse, as if she'd just spent hours screaming orders on the battlefield. Her face is flushed, her right eye irritated. She was dressed in a simple white button shirt, sitting in an empty room.

 _Has she been crying,_ Liara wondered, but tried to hide her concern behind a neutral smile. 'Hello Shepard. It is…good to see you,' she paused, watching as the woman shifted her position. She turned her head from the screen, hiding her scarred image. 'I…am sorry if I am disturbing you. I did not mean to interrupt – '

'It's fine, Liara,' Shepard interrupted. She ran a hand through her dark red hair, clearing her throat after an awkward silence. 'It's…been awhile. How are you doing?'

 _Small talk. Yes, keep it simple. Calm._ Liara shifts in her seat, forcing her hands to settle. 'I am well enough. I…my work keeps me busy,' she replied. Her eyes dart to the form of her Captain, but Danyssa has returned to her post on the balcony outside.

A slight curve of Shepard's lips preludes her response. 'Nothing revelatory there, T'Soni.'

She felt the warmth of a blush as she dipped her head, conceding the point. 'Yes. Old habits, I suppose.' The silence stretches out again, as her anxiety grows. _This was a mistake. She…Goddess, what am I doing?_

Shepard sensed something. 'Did you need something Liara,' she asks, almost monotone.

Liara shifted again as she fights down a wave of panic. 'I…must I have a reason to connect with an old friend,' she asks quickly, perhaps a touch too cold. She watches Shepard reaction. Her emerald eyes drop as she leaned back, holding herself.

'Are we…friends, Liara?' she asked, her voice little more than a whisper.

Liara's brow knitted as her head cocked to the side. 'Yes, of course we are Shepard. We have come too far, you and I, to pretend otherwise,' she paused, trying to gauge Shepard's reaction. She seemed… _surprised?_ Liara let the memory of the last time they spoke, all those years ago, play in her mind. It was...painful. _Leave me, Liara. Go home. Find the happiness you deserve,_ Shepard ground through clenched teeth. Her body wracked by pain, covered in synth-skin bandages.

'I haven't been a very good friend,' Shepard smiles sadly, her hand brushing over her face.

 _Is she crying,_ Liara worried. 'Shepard,' she began, unable to articulate more.

* * *

Valerie fought back her tears as she coughed to clear her throat. _Enough. She doesn't care. She just wants assurance._ 'It's nothing. I'm fine, Liara,' she muttered, shaking her head. With a calming breath, she pushed on. 'I should go…I…I was packing.'

She watched Liara nod. 'Yes, I watched your retirement ceremony,' she paused, looking away from the screen. Shepard cannot help but admire how the sunlight catches the gentle curves of her crest, making them shimmer iridescently. _Still so beautiful, T'Soni._ 'it was a beautiful speech,' she finished.

Valerie huffed, not quite a laugh. 'The last gasp of the galactic hero.' She said it with more venom than she wished. Surprisingly, Liara nodded, her face darkening for a moment.

'I will never understand humanity,' she breathed, composing herself. 'It is a travesty. You…everything you went through- '

'It's for the best, Liara,' she interrupted, flatly.

Liara blinked, seemingly lost for words. _Just say goodbye. It doesn't matter, Liara,_ Shepard wished. She didn't know how much longer she could hold. She wouldn't break, not in front of her. She already hurt Liara too much.

'Well,' Liara seemed to deflate as she ran a hand over her forehead. 'May I ask what you intend to do now,' she asked. She always wore her feelings openly, and her eyes carried her concern plainly. Valerie couldn't meet them. _I don't deserve you, Blue. Please, stop._

'I…,' she had to clear her throat again to stop it from cracking. 'I thought I'd travel, for a while.' She shrugged. 'Get away from…everything.'

Liara perched her hands under her chin, her eyes bright again. 'That sounds like a good idea, Shepard. Anywhere in particular?'

Valerie paused, tucking her hair behind one ear as she shrugged. 'Someplace quiet. Where I can…rest.'

The silence stretched again, as she watched Liara struggle with some internal decision. She opened her mouth to speak as Liara finally continued.

'You could come here, to Thessia,' she blurted. Her face darkened as she blushed, her dark freckles standing out even more noticeably. Shepard felt her lips curl at the sight. _She's still the same, even after all this time._

'You're…very kind, Liara,' Shepard whispered, biting her lower lip to keep it from trembling. 'I couldn't impose- '

'I insist, Shepard,' Liara stated, her tone offering no argument.

 _She's serious. I can't go to Thessia - nothing good will come of it. No, this is a mistake._ She takes a breath, trying to center herself. 'Rally the troops, tour the cities, celebrate victory, all that jazz,' she huffs, shaking her head.

'N-no, I…,' Liara looked appalled. 'Shepard, I would never expect- '

'Relax, T'Soni,' Valerie couldn't help the half smile as she held her hands up in placation. 'I was joking.'

Liara hid her face in her hands. 'Goddess,' she whispered, but Shepard heard the smile in her voice. 'That is not fair, Shepard.' Despite everything, the two smiled openly, which quickly turned to halted chuckles. As the moment passed, Liara locked her impossibly blue eyes with Shepard's dull emerald. 'Please Shepard. I would love…I would love to show you my home.'

 _You don't deserve it. It's been years…you pushed her away! She's moved on._ Valerie stared off, at war with herself. She didn't want to hurt Liara again. She didn't know _what_ she wanted. _Yes, you do,_ another voice said weakly. _Look at her._ She did. Then she made her decision.

'Okay.'

* * *

London lay buried under grey clouds. The weak sunlight did little to warm the air, thick with fat, heavy snowflakes. They spilled from the pregnant clouds in a windless deluge to bury the scars of war below.

The city was rebuilt, mostly, yet the wounds left by the Reapers remained everywhere she looked. She walked down the street at her usual pace, with long strides, her arms wrapped around her coat. She had her hood up, more to hide her face than protection from the snow. The people she passed paid her no heed until they got close. The murmur of the machinery in her prosthetics almost always drew attention.

It was a long walk to her destination. She used the time to think – to analyze her situation. _She was a mess,_ clearly. Years of repressed feelings, lies, and self-deception. _To survive. To get the job done. Could you have made it this far, if you had told her the truth? Could you have taken the same risks with her life?_ No. No, she would have hesitated. She would have failed. _More than you already have._

Madness, to think such things. _Here, now,_ of all times.

 _It was so long ago._ She was younger then; cocky and on top of the world. The first human Spectre. In command of her own ship, her own crew. Free to hunt down that poor bastard Saren and stop his Geth invasion before it truly began. _And Liara._ God, she knew she would never love anyone as much as Liara. _Feels like a dream now._

Then she died.

And _Cerberus_ rebuilt her.

Because of Liara.

She shook her head at the recollection, dodging people as she walked down the busy street. The snow seemed to fall harder as she relived the past. _I was so foolish. She deserves better than me._

Liara told her, of course. Two years after the destruction of the Normandy SR-1, she stood facing her beloved Asari on Illum, and the truth broke free. She stole her broken, charred corpse from the clutches of the Shadow Broker – and gave it to a group of radical pro-human terrorists. _Because I couldn't let you go,_ Liara croaked. Valerie snapped. She felt betrayed. She felt like a monster. In her rage, she blamed the one soul in creation that risked everything to give her a second chance.

Liara took it in stride. She understood. Yet the crushing heartbreak was plainly displayed. The young maiden was never good at hiding her emotions. _And I let it happen._

After they killed the monster calling itself the Shadow Broker, Liara took its place. With cooler heads, they agreed to remain friends. _I pushed her away. I didn't want to hurt her again if I…_ when _I died. She had endured so much already, because of me. God damn it!_

She came to a stop, just around the corner from where she had to go. She could hear the hundreds of Alliance flags _pinging_ against their poles in the weak, snow-thick air. She shivered, telling herself it was just the cold, but that was just another lie. _Would it really have made a difference? Would_ any _of it been easier?_ No – no it would have caused even more pain.

 _You wouldn't be alone,_ a weak voice rasps from somewhere deep inside. Her lip trembled from the thought as she felt her armor slip. She didn't like that voice – she swallowed hard around the sudden lump in her throat.

Then she heard the singing. Across the street, a young couple sat against one of the street side buildings, performing for creds. They played archaic instruments, _centuries_ old. Something about the rhythm drew her closer. As she crossed the street, the lyrics carried and she stopped to listen.

 _'I'm coming home, I'm coming home,'_

 _'Tell the world I'm coming home,'_

 _'Let the rain, wash away, all the pain of yesterday,'_

 _'I know my kingdom awaits, and they've forgiven my mistakes,'_

 _'I'm coming home, I'm coming…home.'_

She didn't realize that a tear escaped her eye until after she flicked them a few credits with her omni-tool. With a nod, she turned back to her destination, face set with determination.

* * *

She followed her feet to his tombstone, trusting them to get her there without looking at the rows and rows of similar edifices stretching across the vast memorial grounds. Eight years ago, this district of London was little more than a crater. It was here, on that final day, that the fate of the galaxy was decided. His memorial stood on the hallowed ground soaked with the blood of countless soldiers, of all races, who charged the Citadel Beam. Only two made it. Only one lived through what followed.

'Hey Anderson,' she greeted him with a whisper, her mechanical hand reaching out to clear his name from the soft build-up of snow. 'How you been?'

 _He's dead because of you. How dare you even stand in this place._

She sniffed, wetly, the fog of her breath curling up as it hit the portrait of his face carved into the stone. 'I know,' she dropped her head, leaning on the stone with her other hand. The cold numbs her fingers. 'I,' she started, but the words wouldn't come.

 _I'm so sorry,_ she sent to the stone. _It…it should have been me._

In her head, she sees him: confident, his _faith_ in her unshakeable. He _knew_ she would give it her all – _no matter what –_ to get the job done. He defended her, supported her, guided her…and in the end, he _loved_ her. He was…the father she never knew.

 _And you put a bullet through him._

The tears burned hot, aching tracks. She felt them sting on her right cheek in the cold. Her left didn't have the luxury anymore – the tear ducts were cauterized when she lost her eye.

She pushed off from the stone, her face tilted up in an attempt to catch her breath. She had avoided this place for so long. Avoided this… _truth._ No one knew it but her. She omitted the events on the Crucible from every debriefing, every interview, every report. No one knew. No one would understand. To the world, and galaxy beyond, Anderson died a hero. _As it should be._

 _He bled out from a gut wound because you were too weak to stop it._

'You're right,' she sobbed. 'I was weak. I failed you,' she shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut. 'I'm so sorry, Skipper,' she whispered, as the burning in her lungs subsided.

 _He was proud of you,_ the voice inside croaked. _He told you that._

She hid her face in her palms as she sunk to her knees. Between ragged breaths, she pulls the heavily engraved medal from her coat pocket. It was the only one of its kind, given to her all those years ago – on behalf of a grateful galaxy. _He deserves it more than I ever will._

'I have to go now,' she managed through painful breaths. 'One last chance,' she sets the medal on the ledge of his tombstone. 'even though I know I don't deserve it.' With a groan of effort, she managed to stand. She snapped to attention, despite the tremors, and gave a crisp salute.

'Goodbye, sir,' she whispered. 'Hope I see you again, someday.'

(A/N: Credit to the song in this chapter goes to "Coming Home" by Diddy ft. Skylar Grey)


	3. Chapter 3

THREE:

She never left you

Do they hurt

The dark

Liara padded barefoot onto the balcony beyond her private chambers, wrapped in a simple house-robe with a steaming cup of tea. She had a busy day ahead of her, as always, yet she made a habit of enjoying every dawn that she could.

The forested hills beyond the manicured estate grounds were just starting to shimmer with the early light, the droplets from the previous nights showers set to glittering. Beyond the forests, she watched the dawn over Lake A'Tolla, the miniature skyrises and distant specks of traffic of Amali beyond.

 _It is a good day,_ she smiled, cupping her tea with both hands and enjoying the warmth.

'You have unread messages, Dr. T'Soni,' Glyph announced in his ever-cheerful voice, flying by her side to bob irritatingly in the way of her view.

'Glyph,' she hissed, 'go wait inside,' she waved the drone away, annoyed.

'Of course, Doctor. You requested to be alerted of any messages from Shepard. I was merely- '

'Never mind, that,' Liara interrupted. 'Get back here.' She waited until the drone hovered back in front of her. 'Display.' A holographic interface manifested before the drone, basking her in soft blue-white light.

 _Liara – Leaving for the Citadel today. ETA: two days. Civilian transport. Forgot how slow these tugs are. Will check in again later. -VS_

Liara couldn't help the smile that split across her face.

'Good news, I assume,' the soft voice of her Guard Captain carried from within as she joined her on the balcony. Liara nodded, closing the interface with a gesture, relaying what she read. A small smile graced the Captain's lips as she spoke. 'That is good news. I hope for your happiness, Liara.'

'It will be…painful. For us both,' Liara shook her head. 'Goddess, the last time she was here- '

'A different time, under the most unimaginable circumstances,' Danyssa interrupted.

Liara nodded, sipping her tea. _That horrible day,_ her body shook from the memory. _Thessia in ruins. The revelation of the Temple of Athame. That bastard, Ling, gloating as he escaped the death he deserved. The anguish in Shepard's eyes, as we fled, defeated._

If she was honest, the worst – to her shame – came after, on the Normandy. She was lost, cast adrift in her grief at the loss of so much life, her people's culture and legacy. Shepard came to her, to comfort her. As she wailed, helpless, Shepard found the strength for them both – and pulled her back from the brink. She could never forget the fire in her emerald eyes, the corded strength in her limbs. _You have nothing to be ashamed of Liara,_ she told her. _Not a damn thing._

'Yes,' Liara agreed, coming back to the present.

'I saw you both, that day,' Danyssa admitted, earning a sideways look from Liara.

'You have not spoken of this before,' Liara paused, setting her tea down to give her Captain her undivided attention. 'Tell me,' she asked.

Danyssa shrugged. 'It was a fleeting moment, no more than a few seconds at most. You and Shepard and the Turian,' she paused.

'Garrus,' Liara smiled warmly.

'Yes, Garrus,' Danyssa continued, walking to the balcony railing. 'You three moved through the perimeter out onto the bridge below my position. I had been sniping the monsters for hours but was starved of ammunition. We were being overrun, fighting our way back to another stronghold. I watched the three of you move,' her voice drifted off.

'Go on,' Liara prompted, concern flavoring her words and eyes.

Danyssa blinked, turning to face Liara with a sad smile. 'She never left your side. Garrus provided over-watch, always from cover, as she led up the middle. She never hesitated, charging ahead, but she _never_ left you out of her sight.'

Through watering eyes, Liara took her hand. 'Thank you for sharing that, my friend.'

'You are welcome,' Danyssa gave her hand a squeeze, before nodding curtly and resuming her duties.

She returned to her tea, taking one last look into the fiery dawn. _Every day is a gift,_ she knew, _thanks to her. I hope she knows that._ With a determined breath, filling her nose with the scents of dew and wildflowers, Liara typed a quick reply to Shepard before starting the day.

 _Shepard – Will arrange private transport from Citadel if you wish. Will save you time and expense. Please consider it. I look forward to your visit. -Liara_

* * *

Shepard tried to settle into her seat but couldn't find a comfortable position. The transport was one of the largest, packed to capacity with over 600 passengers. She managed to purchase one of the last tickets, the price of which didn't surprise her. With the majority of the Relays still undergoing repairs, and the economy _still_ recovering, travel fees had yet to retract to the pre-war norm. _If they ever will,_ she sighed inwardly.

Most folks made due with the dozens of refugee ships transporting stranded civilians back to their respective home-worlds. Even those had back-logs for months. She had the credits, thanks to the Alliance providing her everything she needed.

 _Might as well help the economy out._

She sat in a row of three seats, near the aft of the vessel if the rumble of the engines were anything to judge by. Everything vibrated, which she didn't mind. It was comforting, in a way. She wasn't thrilled about being exposed to the aisle however. More than a dozen times a passenger had trudged by, bumping into a knee or elbow. She felt a pang of sympathy for a particularly irritated Elcor, who apologized slowly and frequently as he made his way to the holds in the rear.

The fellow passengers sharing her row were a pair of Turians, who promptly fell asleep after take-off. To her front sat a middle-aged man dressed in a plain suit, likewise asleep. A young Asari child took the middle, holding the hand of another Asari next to her. Shepard assumed they were related, given their similar appearance. The girl-child watched her with curious, wide orbs of burnt honey.

'Hello,' the girl-child called over the hum of the engines. Her mother immediately hushed her, asking her to not to be a pest.

Shepard smiled lop-sided. 'It's fine,' she waved. 'Hey there. What's your name?'

'Dezerea,' the child answered with a smile.

'Nice to meet you Dezerea. Is this your mommy,' Shepard returned the smile with a nod to the adult.

The child's face fell, and she looked to her side. 'Mommy…,' her young voice trailed off.

'It is all right, little one,' the adult Asari comforted the child, before turning to Shepard. 'I am Kali, her mother's sister. She fell shortly after the war.'

Shepard dropped her eyes, shaking her head. 'I'm sorry,' she whispered.

Kali nodded, patting the small hand in her lap. 'All is not lost. She remains in here,' she taps her temple, 'and here,' her hand moves to her heart, 'and most importantly, in here,' she finished by cupping the child's cheek. 'Nothing ever really leaves us, little one. Remember that,' she told Dezerea, kissing her forehead.

Shepard felt like the words were meant for her as much as the child. She didn't want to intrude on the moment, so she busied herself by flexing her mechanical hand, watching the servos and false muscle-fiber cables move under the synthetic skin.

'Do they hurt,' Dezerea called after a few minutes, curiosity written plain on her young face. Shepard felt her lips curl at her innocence, ignoring Kali's rushed attempt to stem further discussion on the topic.

'Does what hurt Dezerea,' she asked warmly.

'Your scars,' she asked cautiously, in the timid tone only children used.

Shepard feigned a smile for her sake. 'No, Dezerea. Not anymore.'

'Good. I'm glad you don't hurt anymore,' she beamed.

Shepard dropped her eyes, feigning interest in her fist again, as Kali told her niece to leave the nice woman in peace. _Such raw innocence,_ she thought, _already damaged by war. No one should lose a parent so young. I would have spared you that pain, little one, if I could._

* * *

She held the love of her life in her arms, wrapped tight, pressed to her chest. Her light-blue skin was chubby and adorably wrinkled, and the tiniest nubs of her crest gave her the cutest halo in all of creation. She felt tears of purest joy burn down her cheeks as she beheld little orbs of brilliant green peeking up at her in wonder.

She gasped at the surge of love in her chest. Her daughter. _Her daughter._

'I trust she meets your standards then,' the sweetest voice pulled her attention from the babe. Her eyes met pools of deep cerulean, filled with even deeper adoration. 'My God, Liara,' she whispered through trembling lips, 'she's _perfect.'_

Her lover smiled, tears in her eyes. 'Shepard,' her smile faltered.

Confusion gripped her as she watched Liara. 'What is it,' she asked, as cold flooded her limbs.

She watched Liara shake her head. 'You do not deserve this Shepard,' her sweet tone evaporated, replaced with emotionless monotone. 'You never did.'

The babe vanished in a gust of ash. 'No,' Shepard pleads. 'No, please, Liara!'

' _You never did,'_ Liara's voice echoed as Shepard fell into darkness. She is covered in ash, in blood, bound to some great twisted tree. She is covered in shadowed growths, a part of it as it grows from her. Pain floods her body, firing in symbiotic union as waves of fire crash into her again and again. The darkness pulls her down, pulls her apart.

' _Shepard,'_ a voice whispered.

She fought against the dark, groaning in agony as tendrils sank into her flesh.

' _Shepard,'_ the voice called.

The dark severed her arm, her leg, punched into her eye.

 _'_ _SHEPARD,'_ the voice screamed.

She woke, streaked in sweat, her breath coming in great heaves. Kali stood over her, her dark eyes wide with alarm. She ran a hand over her face, trying to compose herself.

'I am sorry,' Kali paused, kneeling before her. 'You were…thrashing, crying out. I – '

'I'm fine,' she interrupted, standing quickly and marching off down the aisle. She headed to the nearest unoccupied lavatory, locking the door behind her. She couldn't catch her breath. The pain in her limbs flared as her lungs burned. _This will pass,_ she repeated in her mind, over and over. _Breathe. This will pass. Breathe._

She ripped a vomit bag from the shelf and leaned against the sink, taking deep breaths into it. _This is a mistake. You never should have left Earth – you never should have left that apartment! You're a weak, pathetic joke! Do Liara a favor and just walk out a fucking airlock!_

She considered her options as she fought to breathe.


	4. Chapter 4

FOUR:

Schemes

C-Sec

The scars

Liara stepped into the glowing circle at her feet, running her hands over the front of her yellow and black gown in an attempt to calm her nerves as the interface scanned her form. Of all her responsibilities, interacting with the Quorum was by far her least favorable. The surviving Matriarchs kept her at arm's length, not only due to her substantial popularity with all Asari, but also – in her mind – for far pettier reasons. Such as her age.

They were political creatures, first and foremost. In that regard, nothing had changed since the Reapers' defeat. Liara accepted it yet loathed to partake in such useless posturing when such energy could be directed elsewhere – like in rebuilding what remained of their culture.

 _So much lost, so much left to do, and we waste time vying for control over the ashes,_ she thought bitterly.

Six figures materialized in blue light before her. The ruling elite of Thessia.

'Good-day, Matriarchs,' she greeted. Several made curt nods, even offered small smiles, while the rest remained impassive.

'Lady T'Soni,' Matriarch O'Baali replied for them – as always. She wore a long gown of black and white, a choker of elegant pearls wrapped around her neck. House O'Baali was ancient, one of the few surviving Houses dating back to the very foundation of Asari history. 'It pleases us to see you in good spirits,' she gestured to Liara, 'that is a lovely dress.'

Liara smiled nervously. She didn't wear dresses or gowns very often – unless formality dictated. She preferred her suits of slacks and simple button-downs, though in truth she missed the tight, comfortably form-fitting protection of her armor. _I'm no commando,_ she shrugged internally. _It would not be proper._ 'I thank you,' she paused. 'I was informed you wished to speak with me.'

O'Baali nodded, gesturing to her colleagues. 'Indeed,' she began, clasping her long-fingered hands behind her slim waist. 'Word reached us of an impending…arrival, one that could benefit Thessia.'

Liara narrowed her eyes. _Tevos. She must have seen Shepard's itinerary, or travel visa application perhaps. Goddess, I should have prepared for this._ She tried and failed to hide her response, as several of the Matriarchs nodded their suspicions.

'We are concerned that you did not inform us of this… _opportunity_ ,' O'Baali added.

Liara forced her face to relax. 'Forgive my ignorance, for I fail to see how- '

'Do not play coy with us, child,' one of them interrupted in a tone laced with incredibility. _D'Vaar, you pompous old harpy,_ Liara ground her teeth with the thought. 'You imagine we would let such a thing go unnoticed? The savior of the galaxy – perhaps the most powerful icon in recent memory of all races, coming to Thessia, _unannounced?_ Don't be simple.'

Liara felt her ire rise as her blood flooded her cheeks. 'I am far from simple, or a child, Matriarch. I am House T'Soni, and will be addressed with due respect,' her words were ice, and she allowed herself a small smile as D'Vaar's eyes widened ever so slightly.

O'Baali smiled warmly, nodding. 'Of course, Lady T'Soni,' she spared D'Vaar a glance before continuing. 'Perhaps we simply misunderstood your intentions. These are different times – uncharted waters for us all. In the past, such decisions would never have been considered without the Quorum's blessing first,' she spread her hands before her. 'obviously, times have changed.'

Liara realized too late that she had fallen into the trap. _This is why I will never engage in active politics. I abhor their incessant schemes and manipulations,_ she sighed internally. 'I was unaware that a citizen of the Republic was required to ask permission from the highest levels of government over a simple issue of a friend visiting our home-world,' she countered neutrally.

'Nothing regarding Commander Shepard is simple, Lady T'Soni,' another Matriarch, R'Loak, chimed in as she shook her head. 'especially now, given the…controversies surrounding her.'

'She is no longer an officer of the Alliance or a Council Spectre. She is a private citizen,' Liara deadpanned.

'Irrelevant,' D'Vaar sneered. 'Her accomplishments during the war granted her powerful allies and respect everywhere she went. You know this.'

 _Yes, I was there, while your refusal to heed her warnings led to the destruction of nearly everything we hold sacred,_ Liara fumed. This was getting out of hand. She took a breath, forcing her hands to relax; she hadn't realized she'd balled them into fists.

'What do you intend, Matriarchs,' she asked.

O'Baali and the others seemed to relax, confident in their victory. 'You were wise to seize the initiative in this, young one,' she nodded to Liara. 'Humanity's loss is Thessia's gain. We shall welcome her to the cradle-world with open arms – a grand showing to the galaxy that we Asari have not forgotten or abandoned her like her own foolish people. In turn, her ties to the Krogan, Salarians and Turians will benefit us greatly,' she shrugged, folding her hands before her as if the whole affair was elementary. 'I fail to understand any other course of action.'

 _The arrogance,_ Liara shook her head. _For all we claim to possess of wisdom and grace, we fail to speak of callousness and selfishness._ 'No,' she stated, flatly.

O'Baali cocked her head, confusion written plainly across her elegant face. 'No?'

' _No,_ Matriarchs,' Liara confirmed, taking a step back and crossing her arms. 'I invited my _friend_ to our home, _my_ home, offering sanctuary and peace from her troubles. You have no inkling of the pressure she has been forced to endure these past years since the Fall, nor what she sacrificed during the war. I will not allow you to add to her burdens.'

D'Vaar was incensed. 'You presume a great deal, _girl,_ if you think- '

' _Be silent,'_ Liara snapped in a tone that would have frozen a blue supergiant star. 'Your words mean _nothing_ to me, _crone;_ your threats less than that. I am Liara T'Soni, my name alone holds more respect than the lot of you _combined._ I will _not_ allow you to manipulate Shepard into your political schemes, not while she is protected under _my_ House.'

The Matriarchs eyed her in a new light as the silence following her icy declaration stretched out. A wordless understanding seemed to pass between them as O'Baali finally nodded curtly. 'We shall see, Lady T'Soni. Good-day.'

Liara let out a dawn out sigh as the figures dissolved into scattered photons before her, revealing the grinning face of her father, Atheyta. She stood on the far side of the room, arms folded, leaning against the wall. Her skin-tight gown was black, trimmed in purple, sleeveless and unnecessarily revealing.

Liara eyed her grinning face warily. 'I fail to see anything humorous with this turn of events, Atheyta.'

Her father shrugged. 'It's not every day you get to watch your little girl tell the most powerful group of tight-assed bitches in the galaxy to go fuck themselves,' she drawled in her uniquely masculine accent.

Liara felt her lips curl up but turned to hide her smile as she left. 'What are you doing here,' she asked, not unkindly.

Atheyta chuckled. 'Oh, nothing. Just hoping to seduce a certain stoic Guard Captain I've been eyeing for some time.'

Liara rolled her eyes. _Just what I needed to hear._

Shepard walked down the docking corridor leading into the reconstructed Citadel with her insides in knots. It had been a long flight – even more so following her embarrassing episode. For their part, Kali and Dezerea had left her in peace; the former offering nothing more than a small smile and a reassuring nod when she finally returned to her seat. The latter cast worried glances over the holographic interface she played with on her wrist every so often, but nothing more.

 _Nothing to see here - just another crazy human,_ she had wanted to say, but she didn't. They saw and heard enough already.

She received two messages as she walked into the docks and joined the line at the C-Sec checkpoint. One was from Liara, offering transport for the remaining leg of her journey to Thessia. If she was being honest, her account could cover the expense but the idea of sitting for days in another container packed with people added to her anxiety. She mused on it as she read the other – from Councilor Tevos, no less.

 **Shepard – I have your travel visa. Please meet me in my office upon arrival. -Tevos**

 _Shit,_ she thought, as she ran a hand through her hair. She needed a shower, and something to eat. She imagined what she looked like right now: a starving, sleep deprived mess in faded jeans and her worn-out N7 hoodie. _Tevos can wait. I'm running on empty._

She approached the C-Sec checkpoint, placing her hand in the terminal to allow her biometrics to be scanned as she unslung the bag from her shoulder onto the conveyor belt. The guard, a man, didn't even look up from his terminal as he asked the standard questions. Purpose for visit, any weapons or contraband, any illness or declarations. It brought her back to better times, a small smile tugged at her lips.

'Commander Bailey still running C-Sec,' she asked, apropos of nothing.

The guard, the name Nerro on his chest, cocked an eyebrow at her. 'Who,' he asked.

'Never mind. I should go,' she shook her head. _Probably for the best. Knowing Bailey, he'd grease the wheels a little too much for me and I don't want that kind of attention right now._

She passed through the decon room after securing her belongings. After clearing C-Sec, she stepped out into the bustling corridors of the upper docks, drifting into the crowds as she made her way to a cab station. _Time to recharge,_ she thought, _then find out what the hell Tevos wants._

Her thoughts drifted as she walked. Mostly, she thought of Liara – and how the hell she was supposed to say the things she wanted, no, _needed_ to say? The absurdity of it all threatened to crush any and all lingering hope she felt. _Hey Blue, I know I've avoided you for years, but hey, I'm back, and…I love you, so, let's live happily ever after?_

Fairy tales. People like her don't get happy endings. They live short violent lives, dying as martyrs and heroes – or live long enough to become monsters. She was a tool, a weapon of destruction – bathed in the blood of friend and foe alike. No one could ever love a soul stained by so much death.

 _That is your legacy –_ that _is all you'll ever be remembered as: an avatar of death._

As she climbed into the cab, she felt the aching tendrils of another migraine wrap themselves around her skull. _I need a drink,_ she sighed, cradling her head with one hand.

The hotel room was economical and clean and the room had its own private head which fit her needs perfectly. After dumping her bag onto the single mattress and fishing her toiletries and a fresh change of clothes, she headed for the shower.

She disrobed, turning from the sink and mirrors there. She tried to think about something else as she pulled the clothes from her body. She tried to remember the lyrics of that song she heard back in London. She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the steam from the water lick her limbs.

She always had scars. It was an occupational hazard – one she had accepted a long time ago. She remembered a time when she was _proud_ of them; remembering how she earned every one, using them as lessons to become a better soldier.

It was different, now. Her body was a tapestry of failure. She carried the legacy of her decisions etched into her skin – plain to see, painful to behold.

Angry blotches of ridged, stretched scar tissue dominated the left side of her body from shoulder down to her hip, wrapping around her torso and back. A deep rope of white ran down her chest, along her sternum, curving down her flat belly above her liver to her pelvis. A thousand miniscule scratches, shrapnel wounds, and gunshot divots decorated the rest of her.

As the hot water hit her skin, she tried not to focus on the voids of sensation in her face, where the nerves were severed around her left eye – or her left arm and leg. She tried to let her body relax. She tried to think about Liara. She tried to think about what to say.

She failed.

All she could think about was the scars.

(A/N: If you made it this far, feel free to drop a comment and let me know how I'm doing. Thanks)

(Updated A/N: Thanks to Anarack for pointing out the 'Tevos' debacle. Dunno what I was thinking lol)


	5. Chapter 5

FIVE:

Vakarian

Hope

Tevos

She sat at the end of the bar, clearly uninterested in interacting with anyone. A bowl of steaming noodles sat beneath her as she stared out the windows watching the traffic swarm between the wards. Arc flashes of construction dominated the scene – for all the Council 'celebrated' the reopening of the Citadel, it was apparent there was still much work to be done.

News feeds from various worlds were posted throughout the place, mixed with all manner of pre-recorded sporting events. It all added to the cacophony around her: the noise of 'normal' society, of people living 'normal' lives. Socializing had never been her strong suit, yet she remembered a time when she enjoyed it – despite all the awkward moments.

Blinking from her revere, remembering why she had come here, she returned to the task at hand: shoveling her face with noodles. Her mind recalled Grunt, after his 'escape' from the hospital back when. _They were a bit spicy,_ he had commented. She missed him, missed his laugh.

She saw the figure approaching out of the mirrored reflection of the bottle display in front of her, packed with the typical varieties of alcohols found in any respectable bar. He wasn't wearing his trademark visor or armor – which she found disappointing but not entirely surprising. He was dressed in simple grey-on-black robes trimmed in red, typical attire suited to working in the bureaucratic levels of the Citadel. _Never thought I'd see the day,_ she commented silently.

She let him sit next to her at the bar, wiping her mouth on the back side of her hand. Neither attempted to make eye contact.

'Garrus,' she offered, taking a sip of water. 'Wasn't expecting you.'

She saw the Turian's head bob as he crossed his arms on the bar counter. 'You're not that hard to spot out of a crowd, you know,' he paused, scanning the room. Garrus never liked leaving his back open – a healthy paranoia from years as a sniper and C-Sec officer. ' _I_ noticed you – you can bet others have too,' he added.

Shepard huffed weakly. _Same old Garrus,_ she thought. 'So,' she said instead, shrugging a shoulder. 'what's new Vakarian.'

She waited while he ordered a brandy – Turian, of course – turning down his offer to buy her a drink. His mandibles twitched as she continued. 'I gave up drinking,' she added simply.

'Hmm. Well,' Garrus nodded finally. 'Suit yourself.'

 _Another fun fact about the great galactic hero; she drowned herself in booze in order to sleep. Ah, such a role model for the kiddos,_ she thought venomously.

The silence stretched between them beyond the point of awkwardness. Both shifted in their seats at random intervals. Neither seemed able or willing to do anything but breathe.

 _Fuck this,_ Shepard shook her head. 'What are you doing here, Garrus,' she asked.

The Turian sipped his brandy, then gave a small shrug. 'Honestly, Shepard, I don't know. I saw an old…friend, and well…hmm. I thought,' his voice trailed off.

She wanted to laugh. _Friend._ She remembered the last time they spoke – after she had crushed Liara's heart, he confronted her. He was her best friend; he _knew_ how she felt about Liara. He knew without knowing that _something_ had happened on the Crucible – that she carried a weight that had changed her. He told her she was wrong, that she needed to fight, that she couldn't lose herself to…whatever plagued her spirit. She remembered his eyes, full of concern and fire and _judgement._

 _I don't need your pity, Vakarian,_ she spat. _I don't need this bullshit – not from you, or anyone else. I've got work to do._ She turned from him then – leaving him with little choice but to leave her hospital room in wordless fury. He never returned.

She shook herself free of the memory. 'That was a long time ago Garrus,' she whispered.

He nodded, swirling his brandy. 'Yeah,' he paused. 'Look, Shepard, I – '

'How's Palaven,' she interrupted, saving them both from a fumbled attempt at platitudes. She didn't have the energy for _that_ discussion right now.

She saw his mandibles flare in his unique approximation of a smile as he nodded, thankful for the change in subject. They both knew each other too well. 'We're coming along – not as well as the Asari or Salarians, but we're bouncing back,' he paused, tilting his face up to regard one of the news feeds. Shepard watched as well, as it showed highlights from her retirement ceremony and a montage of war-time pictures of her from various locations.

The harmonics in Garrus' voice dropped several octaves when he spoke again. 'You humans are beyond senseless,' he whispered, shaking his head. 'I thought Turians were hard to please.'

Shepard felt one corner of her lips curl at the comparison. 'Everyone's a critic,' she huffed.

Garrus seemed at a loss, unable to say more as he watched and shook his head.

'It's not like you _saved_ their entire collective asses, or anything,' he added finally.

'No good deed,' Shepard whispered, pushing her empty bowl away and crossing her arms on the bar. 'It's done, regardless,' she added, louder. She met his eyes for the first time. 'What,' she asked at his unspoken question.

Garrus looked away, feigning interest in his nearly empty glass of brown liquid. 'I heard your traveling to Thessia,' he admitted.

 _Here we go,_ Shepard rolled her eyes. 'So,' she asked.

' _So,_ ' Garrus replied, turning to face her again. 'What the hell are you doing,' he asked, his voice laced with concern. 'These idiots,' he gestured to the news-feed, 'are watching everything you do – waiting for the next round to hit. I've already had run-ins with them, and I'm willing to bet my ridiculous government salary that the others have too.'

Shepard shook her head, tucking stray locks behind her ear. 'I don't give a _damn_ about that shit Vakarian,' she whispered. 'They can say what they want. I know what I did.'

Garrus shook his head as well with a growl. 'So do we, Shepard. We were there, too,' he whispered. He took a breath before continuing. 'Look…I won't lie to you Shepard – I never have. You don't have to listen either, but I…well…hmm… _spirits,_ I suck at this,' his voice trailed off.

Shepard ground her teeth as her patience wore thin. 'You got something to say Garrus, just say it.'

The Turian turned to her then, fixing her with his steely blue eyes. 'Liara is my friend - _hell,_ she's like my own sister. After Earth… _what she went through_ ,' he paused as he shook his head slowly. 'I hope you know what your doing, Shepard,' he nodded to her briefly. 'Some wounds never heal.'

 _No shit,_ Shepard dropped her eyes as he stood, paying for his drink with a few swipes from his omni-tool. He paused then, as if unsure how to proceed. Then he laid a hand on her shoulder hesitantly, his talons giving her a brief squeeze.

'Good luck, old friend,' he whispered. When Shepard didn't respond, he turned and left.

 _Goodbye Garrus,_ she thought, as her bottom lip trembled.

* * *

Liara watched as Atheyta prowled around the study from her desk, feigning interest in the displays of Prothean artifacts she managed to save from her former apartment on Illum. Her father held a glass of wine in one hand, idly stroking her chin with one finger as she mused.

'You're playing with fire,' Atheyta paused, turning to regard her with an arched brow, 'you know that, right,' she asked.

Liara fought against the urge to sigh. _You are one to talk,_ she thought. 'I am aware of the possible ramifications, yes,' she replied, 'and I do not care.'

'Bullshit,' Atheyta laughed, sauntering over to her desk. She set her glass down, leaning onto it. 'You got a quad, kid, make no mistake. I'm proud of you. Benezia would be too – she never let those bitches push her around, either,' she paused, resting on her elbows. 'but she was always better at their games than she let on. Take my advice. _Watch your ass._ '

Liara arched a brow at her father, who so obviously had her own posterior on display. She had to stifle a smirk as she caught view of Danyssa rolling her eyes from her post at the far end of the room.

Atheyta didn't miss it. 'Is she looking,' she whispered with a smirk.

This time Liara rolled her eyes, making Atheyta laugh as she stood. 'Lighten up, kid,' she took her glass again, gesturing to the room. 'All this crap, all your hard work, and how do you enjoy it? Do you _ever_ enjoy it?'

Liara shook her head. 'I have no time for such frivolities,' she replied, returning her attention to her terminal. 'Thessia comes first.'

'Bullshit,' Atheyta drawled, sipping her wine. 'You're not fooling anyone, Little Wing.'

Liara stood at that, fixing her father with a cold stare. 'You have something to say?'

Atheyta shrugged, holding herself with one arm. 'You in the mood to hear it,' she asked, cocking her head to the side. She was impossibly calm. Never once in the short time Liara had known her had the Matriarch shown the smallest hint of intimidation. _Nothing_ fazed her.

Liara walked to the balcony, stepping into the soft teal moonlight. It was a calm night, thick with humidity, with the scent of salt carried on the breeze from the ocean just a few kilometers away. She was worried, of course. So many unknowns, so many variables to account for. _I hope I am not making a mistake. Please, Goddess, do not let this be a mistake._

'I am listening,' she said simply. Atheyta joined her, leaning her back against the railing.

'Look, kid,' she began, setting her glass down and folding her arms beneath her cleavage. 'I've been around. Seen more than most. Doesn't make me any kind of damned expert on anything. It's obvious you and Shepard had a thing. It's also obvious you got some shit on your chest that needs out. I get that,' she paused, meeting Liara's eyes. 'You gotta play it smart, kid. You know the risks, if this goes sideways. I see those wheels turning as we speak.'

Again, Liara fought the urge to sigh. 'That is your advice,' she half-smiled. 'Very sage.'

'Don't be a smartass,' Atheyta grinned lop-sided as she cupped Liara's cheek. 'You deserve a chance at happiness, babe. Go for it,' she nodded. 'Just remember…she might not feel the same way, and if so, well,' she paused again, shrugging a shoulder. 'You say what you need to say, then cut her the fuck loose, once and for all.'

Liara nodded gently, holding her hand over her fathers. 'I will. Thank you, Atheyta.'

Her father grinned as he patted her cheek. 'That a girl. Now,' she picked up her wine glass again. 'I think I'll go…busy myself elsewhere,' she winked.

Liara laughed. 'Good night,' she said, watching her saunter off towards Danyssa.

'I'll let you know in the morning,' Atheyta called. 'Don't wait up.'

It was late, yet she felt no compulsion to sleep. Too many thoughts, too many doubts and worries. She left the study, alone in the dimly lit corridors of the estate, brooding over her decisions. She held herself as she walked, her face tight with concern. She needed to relax. She could feel the tenseness of her muscles, weighing her down after the events of the day.

 _If she managed to tell Shepard how she felt, what did she expect? Eight years is a long time for humans –_ Goddess _, two years had changed them both by degrees. Was it all hopeless?_ No, she refused to believe that. _All the times she went out of her way to visit. The talks. The moments of gentle comforting. All the times their eyes met in longing silence._ She didn't imagine that.

Her mind revisited that rushed conversation in Anderson's base, before the final push to the Citadel Beam. She had been tending the wounded – _Goddess, so many wounded._ Shepard had come, physically exhausted, pushed to the very limits of her endurance, yet unbroken. The fire in her emerald eyes gleamed, shoring up Liara's fears in a heartbeat. _She was always so strong._

She had offered her a gift – intended to show her through her memories of how she felt. All the things she wished to say but didn't, for there was never time. _Lies,_ Liara scolded herself. _I was afraid. Terrified of rejection, of opening old wounds, of adding to her burdens._

Shepard refused. She remembered the bitter disappointment yet could feel the unspoken truth linger between them; _it wasn't the right time or place._ On the eve of possibly the end of all things, knowing the chances of any of them surviving what was to come, Shepard had pushed aside her personal feelings to focus on what truly mattered: the mission.

Liara let her go.

She had been wounded, furious with Shepard after the fact, when she limped aboard the Normandy and watched the love of her life charge that dreadful Beam. Garrus was holding her, listening to her scream Shepard's name. He held her as she sobbed.

 _Enough,_ Liara told herself as she swiped a lone tear from her cheek. _Atheyta is right. I need to tell her. Goddess help me – I can not carry this burden forever. I_ must _tell her and hope for the best._

* * *

Shepard paused before Tevos' door, running a hand through her hair. She looked more than a little out of place, dressed as she was in simple dark slacks and dark grey blouse – sleeves rolled up past her elbows. Uniformed C-Sec guards roamed the corridor, offering curt nods or suspicious glances as they passed. Government officials in formal suits, business types in clean suits and dresses – the stench of bureaucracy was so thick she thought she was wading in it.

 _God, I hate this place,_ she sighed. _I'd give anything for a damn gun right now._

The door swished open, revealing Tevos and another human male she didn't recognize. Both of their eyes widened as they recognized her.

'Ms. Shepard, please come in,' Tevos recovered quickly. As Valerie entered, she gestured to her guest. 'I don't believe you've met Mr. Wallace, the newly appointed human Councilor.'

 _Fuck._ 'No, I haven't. Councilors,' she nodded curtly.

Wallace was a middle-aged man of pale complexion with small, sharp eyes and a thinning hairline of salted brown fuzz. He had all the characteristics of a life-long politician, if his welcoming smile said anything. He extended his hand to Shepard, who took it after a heartbeats hesitation.

'Honored to meet you, Ms. Shepard,' he grinned.

'Just Shepard, is fine.'

'Of course,' he paused, releasing her hand and clearing his throat. 'Well, I'll leave you to your meeting. Best of luck, Shepard. I trust you'll contact me directly in the future, if you ever need anything,' he paused, flashing his smile again. 'It's the least Earth can do, after all.'

'Of course,' Shepard lied.

After he departed, Tevos returned to her seat, crossed her legs and watched Shepard closely. 'Have a seat, Shepard,' she gestured to the twin leather chairs before her. As Shepard complied, she pulled up her terminal, calling up several data files before her. 'I'm sure you are curious as to why I summoned you,' she paused, folding her hands before her.

Shepard ran a hand through her hair. 'Yeah you could say that.'

Tevos nodded, her face impassive. 'Many of my responsibilities in service to my people – and the galaxy at large – hold no pleasure for me, yet for the greater good, such _unpleasantries_ arise from time to time.'

Shepard fought the urge to roll her eyes. 'I'm sure you're a busy woman Tevos, and I've got a flight to catch, so if you don't mind lets just get down to it – shall we,' she deadpanned.

Tevos' face twitched then; a second's worth of amusement flashing across her purple features but gone in a blink. 'Very well,' she paused, considering. 'I have always admired your spirit, Shepard, your candor. Regardless of your personal views of me and the Council as a whole, I want you to know that first.'

Shepard nodded as she dropped her eyes but kept her silence. Of all the Council members, Tevos had always treated her with respect. _Didn't really help worth a damn, but it was appreciated,_ she thought.

Tevos took a breath before she continued. 'Are you familiar with human history, Shepard,' she asked, gesturing to the former Spectre. 'The rise of your Chin Dynasty, Romani Empire, the myriad dictatorships of your 20th and 21st centuries,' she asked.

Shepard arched an eyebrow, unsure where she was going. 'I remember what I learned in school,' she answered hesitantly. 'That was a long time ago, Councilor.'

Tevos nodded. 'Of course,' she settled into her chair. 'Your people have a remarkably bloodied history, Shepard – much like the Krogan – dominated by war and atrocities committed against yourselves. A dominating theme recurs in a repeating cycle; a powerfully charismatic military leader rising up through conflict to seize power – much to the detriment of the common citizen.'

Shepard couldn't stop the sad chuckle from escaping her lips. ' _You gotta be fucking kidding_ _me_ ,' she whispered.

Tevos spread her hands. 'I agree. It is…very _unlikely_ you would succeed in any endeavor, even more so that you would actually attempt such a thing. Yet the facts remain: you united the galaxy, built powerful alliances, and despite the current… _circumstances_ surrounding your personal actions during the war – the majority of your people hail you as a hero.'

Shepard felt her fingertips dig into the soft leather on the chair armrests as she balled her fists. 'I did what I had to do to stop the Reapers,' she growled.

Tevos remained impassive. 'Yes, and that threat is over – permanently. In the aftermath, we find ourselves weaker than ever before; and the powerful military hero survived. Can you understand our predicament,' she asked calmly.

Shepard surged to her feet. 'This is a _fucking_ joke. I never wanted any of this, I never _enjoyed_ any of this,' she spread her arms, furious. 'You people are god-damned retarded, you know that,' she spat.

Tevos held her hands up. 'Shepard, calm,' she soothed as she stood, leaning on her desk. 'I tell you these things in the hope that this will help you understand your circumstances and put things into proper context,' she paused as she hung her head. 'It grieves me to say it, for I owe you my life more than –'

'Save it,' Shepard laughed bitterly as she shook her head. She was pacing, prowling like a caged animal. 'You don't owe me a damn thing, Tevos. I'm _out_ – you and your _friends_ saw to that,' she pointed a snarling digit with her prosthetic. 'all this bullshit… _everything I've been through_ ,' she nearly screamed.

Two C-Sec guards immediately entered from concealed side rooms, weapons trained on the irate former Spectre.

'No, stand down,' Tevos waved them back. She watched as Shepard stood, her body quivering. She waited until the guards returned to their posts, and the doors sealed behind them. Returning to her seat, she flicked a document from her terminal towards Shepard, whose omni-tool lit up instantly. 'I told you,' she began, spreading her hands before her. 'I take no pleasure in this.'

Shepard practically snarled. 'I'm telling _you_ ,' she took a menacing step towards the desk. 'If I wanted you dead those pricks would find a gutted _fish_ by the time they got here.'

Tevos blinked, a slight tremor in one hand revealing any reaction to the threat. 'I have approved your travel visa. However,' she paused, folding her arms under her chest as she reclined again, 'I remind you that you are no longer a Council Spectre, or an officer in the Alliance Navy. You have no capacity to operate in any 'official' government form whatsoever. I also remind you that there are several… _sensitive_ vid-logs and audio recordings in the Council's possession – specifically during your brief tenure as a Cerberus operative.'

Shepard narrowed her eyes. _Is she blackmailing me?_

Tevos arched an eyebrow. 'We keep detailed files on all Spectre activities, Shepard,' she added simply. 'Enjoy your trip to Thessia,' Tevos nodded, pursing her lips, 'and remember this conversation.'

Shepard shook her head as she turned to leave. 'Go fuck yourself,' she called over her shoulder as the door closed behind her.


	6. Chapter 6

SIX:

T'Soni Commandos

Sisters

Eight hours

Shepard leaned against the railing of the docks with her elbows, resting her head on her forearms. She'd been wandering for hours, never staying in the same place for more than a few minutes, until boredom set in and her mind took over. She felt… _used._ Exhausted didn't really fit; she felt every second of the past decades worth of blood, sweat, and tears weighing her down, turning her thoughts jagged and rancid.

 _How did it come to this,_ she wondered, _when did I turn into this…shell?_ Her mind raced, asking too many questions with no answers. All she ever wanted was to _help._ To _defend_ – and yes, make the bastards who murdered her family pay. She was good; too good. She loved the challenge. She rose to meet every one. _And they just kept piling them up in front of me._

Then Saren came along and everything went to shit: the Geth, the _goddamn_ Reapers, the Council. _Cerberus._ The Collectors. _How the hell am I still here,_ she shook her head. _Why? What the hell is so goddamn special about me,_ she asked.

 _Nothing,_ she told herself. _Not a goddamned thing. Wrong place, right time; and a cadre of impossibly brave souls you roped into following you._

Liara. _God, what am I doing,_ she repeated the thought for the thousandth time. In her head, she ran through all manner of scenarios – everything from killing anything and everything in sight, saving the Council for last, to running to Omega and getting shit-faced drunk for a week. Any possible way to escape this… _turmoil_. To find some other purpose in life, other than hurting the people she cared about.

 _I'm afraid,_ she realized, lifting her head to knuckle her temples. The pounding ache in her skull throbbed with every heartbeat. _How long have I lived in fear,_ she wondered. _When did I lose myself to it?_ She knew the answer – yet couldn't bring herself to think it.

She opened her eyes, running a hand through her hair. It was longer now than she ever kept it, spilling over her right shoulder in a tangled mess. It draped over her right eye, constantly in her view. She thought about cutting it off when she noticed the ship on approach. Her ride had arrived.

The name _E'Larissa_ was etched into her flank _–_ the family name of an ancient bloodline from Asari history, long since extinct. Considering who owned it, Shepard found that it fit aptly. She was a civilian yacht, some fifty meters long, sleek and angled. Her hull was painted white and teal, the crane-like sigil of House T'Soni proudly displayed on the flanks of her fuselage.

 _Damn Liara,_ she thought, watching the ship pull into the berth. _You've done well for yourself,_ she smiled briefly at the thought – happy for her. She knew Liara was always going to make it. Her soul shined too brightly to ever dim, even in the very worst of times.

 _She was my light – my conscience. She was always there to pull me back, to keep me focused,_ she mused.

The treachery of Tevos and the Council had left her in the foulest of moods for hours while she waited – brooding. All seemed to vanish as she gazed at the _E'Larissa_. The first stirrings of excitement flooded her stomach, and she felt the first fleeting grasps of that most desperate of illusions: _hope._

 _Your delusional. Look at you. You're a monster – a useless pariah, fleeing the consequences of the past. You bring nothing but pain,_ her mind whispered, crushing the sensation utterly. She felt it inside, ground to nothing beneath the iron heel of truth. She couldn't argue with it. The facts spoke volumes.

 _She loved you once,_ that ember of hope whispered, _maybe she still does._

'Commander Shepard,' a voice asked, snapping her attention from the ship and the internal battle. Turning, she realized three Asari commandos had literally walked up behind her and were watching her intently.

She felt her cheeks flush from the lapse in awareness. 'Just Shepard, now,' she answered, dropping her bag off her shoulder as she sized the commandos up. All three looked young, varied in hues of violet, with slender athletic builds. They wore matching leathers of white trimmed in teal, the 'leader' armed with a pistol to compliment the Avenger rifle holstered over her shoulder. The other two behind her carried Tempest SMGs holstered at their hips.

'I am Tanari,' the lead commando nodded, gesturing to the others behind her in turn, 'with me is Bellana and Xeri, of House T'Soni. We are honored to meet you,' all three inclined their heads for a moment.

Shepard extended her hand. 'Likewise,' she muttered, uncomfortable with their reverence. Instead of gripping her hand, Tanari gripped her wrist in the ancient traditional greeting of warriors. 'Liara didn't tell me about you,' she added after the greeting was repeated with the others. 'I have to warn you – I've had a pretty lousy day and am in no mood for games,' she half smiled. 'So, I hope you're who you say you are; otherwise I'll just take your ship,' she jerked a thumb over her shoulder, 'and save you all from the trouble of a few days recovery.'

Three pairs of eyes narrowed at her words, as their faces shifted from concern to confusion and back. Tanari looked to the others quizzically, before bringing up her omni-tool and sending several files to Shepard's. 'Our biometrics, and the itinerary approved by Lady T'Soni herself,' she announced, haltingly. Shepard cocked her head, reviewing the data.

 _She seems nervous. Data checks out. Wonder why Blue didn't give all this to me already,_ she thought.

'Are your suspicions quelled, Commander,' Tanari asked neutrally.

'It's 'Shepard',' she emphasized. 'I no longer hold any titles at all,' she muttered. 'Yeah, everything looks good,' she added. 'Had to be sure.'

'Of course,' Tanari nodded. 'If you are ready to depart, we will escort you aboard,' she gestured to the umbilical.

Shepard half turned, gripping her bag by the sling and shouldered it. 'Let's do it,' she answered, falling into step beside Tanari as Bellana and Xeri took up the rear. She noticed their posture, the tenseness. 'You expecting trouble,' she asked.

Tanari seemed to hesitate for a second. 'We…this is my first official off-world mission,' she admitted, her eyes dropping with the confession. 'I want it to go flawlessly.'

Shepard couldn't stop the grin that split her face, stretching her scars. _A green commando. Quaint, T'Soni,_ she shook her head. 'You'll do fine, Tanari,' she told the young Asari. 'We can talk shop on the way to Thessia.'

All three of their eyes grew wide at the prospect. 'You…thank you, Shepard,' Tanari nodded.

Shepard shook her head again. 'First lesson,' she paused, meeting Tanari's golden eyes. 'Your _commandos_ , the battle-elite of the Asari. _Act_ like it. Even if you have no idea what you're doing. Body language is everything,' she paused again, with a sad smile. 'How old are you all,' she asked, coming to a halt.

'87,' Tanari confessed.

'76,' Bellana answered, followed by a meek '68,' from Xeri.

 _God, they're just kids,_ Shepard realized. She shook her head again, running a hand through her hair. _Well, here's hoping nothing goes wrong._ 'C'mon, lets get out of here,' she huffed a stray lock of hair from her eyes as they continued onto the _E'Larissa._

* * *

Once they were underway, Shepard found herself seated in a small but fully functional galley cradling a steaming hot cup of fresh coffee. Tanari and Bellana sat opposite her, while Xeri was up in the cockpit but listening in over the ship's comms.

The _E'Larissa_ was uniquely furnished, from what Shepard could tell – seeing as her only experience aboard Asari vessels was a very brief stint aboard the _Destiny Ascension,_ flagship of the Citadel Fleet, years ago. It was…elegant, after a fashion; all curves and clean lines, glass and padded upholstery. White and grey were the dominant colors of the interior, with very little personal effects – as if it were hardly used or very new.

 _It smells new,_ she realized. _Fresh, like the air before a storm._ The smell briefly reminded her of her long-forgotten home on Mindoir – _the feel of leaves on her skin as she walked the rows of corn, the sun on her face, her parents calling for her from somewhere far away_.

'Shepard,' Tanari spoke her name as a question, snapping her back to the present.

She shook herself, taking a sip of her coffee. 'Sorry,' she muttered, 'What were you saying?'

The young Asari exchanged glances with each other. 'We said nothing, Shepard. You were…,' her voice trails off, unsure what to say.

Shepard felt her cheeks redden. 'A bad habit,' she waved them off. 'I…drift, from time to time,' she mumbled. Taking another sip, she straitened, taking in the interior of the ship again. 'So, where did T'Soni buy this beauty,' she asked.

'It was a gift,' Bellana answered in her soft voice. She never seemed to speak louder than a whisper. 'Lady T'Soni has been instrumental in the reconstruction of the Republics. The _E'Larissa_ was one of the first vessels built in the Amali Shipyards.'

Tanari nodded. 'She is an inspiration to us all. She has saved millions of lives over the years, restructuring relief efforts, even managing colonies.'

Shepard felt her lips curl behind the lip of her cup. 'Sounds like Liara, all right,' she sipped, 'you all know her, I assume? Personally,' she asked.

'We serve House T'Soni,' Xeri's voice crackled over the comm, 'but rarely do we interact with her personally. She is…very busy,' the pilot added.

'Yes, she rarely leaves the estate,' Bellana continued with a shrug.

'All Asari know her and respect her. When she does venture out – usually to some formal gathering or occasion – she is always quiet and reserved, but seems happy, in a way. It is difficult to describe,' Tanari confessed.

Shepard felt her brow knit, confused. 'How so,' she asked. Silence reigned for a few heartbeats as Tanari found the right words.

'Her smile never reaches her eyes,' she said quietly, adding a shrug. 'Mother was like that…before.'

Shepard nodded. 'I'm sorry,' her eyes dropped. 'Someone once told me that nothing ever really leaves us,' she added, remembering Kali's words to her little daughter.

'The best parts never do,' Tanari smiled, taking Bellana's hand in hers. 'I have my sister, and she has me.'

Bellana returned the smile, briefly. 'Against all rhyme or reason.'

'Agreed,' Xeri chimed in, then added 'thirty minutes to Relay-interface.'

Shepard stood, draining the last of her coffee. 'I should go store my gear,' she paused, hefting her bag. She looked around, unsure where to go.

Tanari noticed, standing with a nod. 'I'll take you to the main cabin. It's up on deck one - the elevator is this way,' she gave a look to Bellana.

'I'll…run some systems checks,' she shrugged, 'again,' she mumbled under her breath as she walked off toward the cockpit.

Shepard half-smiled. 'We'll talk again later,' she offered, nodding to Tanari. 'After you.'

It was a quick ride up to the top deck. As the doors slid open, Shepard nearly whistled at the sight. The 'main cabin' was bigger than her lonesome apartment on Earth. Two sectional sofas lined the walls around ample sized storage compartments. The entire forward arch of the room was open to space, revealing a dramatic panoramic view of the nose of the ship and space beyond. She noticed two separate doors as they walked towards the middle, their reflections watching from the highly polished floor tiles.

Tanari gestured to each door in turn. 'This leads to a private lavatory. The other to the bedroom,' she paused, approaching a small terminal built into the wall below the sweeping window. 'You can access the extranet and make any vid-calls from here. You already have access,' she turned to Shepard, cocking her head as she blinked, clasping her hands behind her. 'Do you…need help settling in, Shepard,' she asked, a slight tremor in her voice.

 _Is she…hitting on me,_ Shepard almost laughed, cocking an eyebrow. 'Uh, no…no I'm good, thanks,' she ran a hand through her hair to hide her unease.

Tanari recovered quickly, giving her a curt nod. 'Very well. I'll…leave you to it. Let me know if you require anything else,' she said kindly, heading for the elevator.

Shepard shook her head as the doors closed. _Kids._

* * *

Liara smiled warmly at the face of the young Asari pilot as she greeted her, seated behind her desk. The dull glow of dawn's first light had yet to fully reach the estate, leaving her cast in the blue-white light of her haptic interface. She wore a simple house-robe of teal-on-black, securely fasted against the slight chill in the morning air.

'Lady T'Soni,' Xeri's voice was slightly distorted, but clear. 'We have secured the passenger and are approaching the Widow Relay.'

'Excellent,' Liara nodded. 'Were there any complications,' she asked.

'Not that I am aware of,' Xeri shrugged. 'She seemed… _surprised,_ ' she spoke the word as a question, 'but I cannot be sure. It is difficult to interpret human emotions.'

 _It does take some practice,_ Liara smiled. 'Very well. ETA,' she asked.

Xeri's hands slid deftly over her controls for a moment. 'Just over eight hours, ship-time, putting us home around 18:00 hours local.'

Liara nodded. 'Superb. I thank you, Xeri,' she paused, taking a breath. Her heartrate had accelerated rapidly, as her fingers fidgeted in her lap. 'Please tell…well…I,' she cleared her throat, composing herself. 'We await your arrival.'

Xeri nodded, hesitantly. 'Of course, Lady T'Soni. _E'Larissa,_ out.'

The screen blanked and Liara stood, stretching out her arms over her head, humming from the sensation of the cool air tingling against her skin. She moved to the balcony, holding herself, and watched the sunrise.

 _Eight hours,_ she thought. She smiled at the excitement and hope that built in her heart. She closed her eyes, breathing in the scents of the new day. _It feels so full of potential,_ she mused, _a chance for everything to be set right – to_ feel _again._ Her heart pulled her mind back to Shepard, _always to Shepard,_ all those years ago.

She had been so patient, so _gentle._ The softness of her lips on Liara's skin sent shivers through her muscles. Her hands, calloused and rough from duty, explored her body – the gentlest touch setting her afire with need. The strength in her limbs, the passion in her piercing, emerald eyes… _Goddess, the feel of her hair._ Liara would never forget the savage desire granted from plunging her hands in those scarlet locks – the heat of her mouth on Liara's, the flooding ache between her legs.

When their minds finally touched, the joining undid them both. Liara savored every second – to this day, she had never felt as _whole_ as she did that night. Two souls, utterly different yet so similar – surrounded by each other, _becoming_ each other. _Goddess, it was so beautiful._

She opened her eyes as the first rays of light crested the horizon, lighting the serenity before her in reddish-orange fire. _No more excuses,_ she promised herself.

Eight hours suddenly seemed like a lifetime.


	7. Chapter 7

SEVEN:

Anxiety

Shepard

Liara

Thessia was a marble of blue-green, haloed by the light of Parnitha as they approached from the night-side. Shepard watched from behind Xeri's pilot chair as the _E'Larissa_ rolled in the void, baring her belly to the atmosphere. She took note of the lack of extra-orbital craft, asking where the Asari fleets were.

'After the war, the various Republics recalled their forces to tend to their own respective needs,' the pilot answered bitterly. 'Despite all that happened, once the Reapers were dead, everything went back to the way it was,' she paused, glancing over her shoulder to Shepard. 'Well, relatively speaking.'

Shepard nodded. _The Matriarchs stepped in and took over the ashes, vying for the top. Figures._ 'Sorry I asked,' she grumbled, folding her arms over her chest.

'It is wasteful,' Xeri shook her head. 'We could accomplish so much more if we simply worked _together,_ ' she paused, nodding. 'You taught us that.'

Shepard shifted her stance uncomfortably. Her stomach was already in knots and she had been unable to sit still for hours. She had talked with each of the commandos at length, learning their stories, their history – anything to keep her mind occupied from the crippling anxiety she felt building with every moment.

They were all shell-shocked into nervousness around her – too many stories of the 'legendary' Shepard. She whittled that away a little; asking questions about each of them to distract them from her presence as _the_ Shepard to just _Shepard._ It almost felt like old times.

The sisters, Tanari and Bellana, lost both of their parents during the war. They were homeless, living in the rubble of Serrice, near dead from lack of food or water when they were found by a passing rescue-patrol. As they were cared for, they learned who had helped them, and in turn, were offered a new purpose – to help others in need. They both joined up without hesitation. They were trained under the Guard Captain of House T'Soni, a veteran huntress named Danyssa.

Xeri didn't know her 'father' but still had her mother: an administrator for a mining outpost off-world. Xeri _hated_ being cooped up underground. She also had authority issues, seeming to lean heavily towards doing things her own way – consequences be damned. Shepard found herself warming to Xeri more than the others almost instantly. _She reminds me of someone,_ she thought with a smirk.

'Entry interface in forty-five seconds,' Xeri announced, pulling her to the present. 'You should strap in.'

Shepard let out a breath. 'Yeah,' he said.

'You okay, Shepard,' Xeri asked, arching her neck back to see. Shepard kept walking, back towards the main deck and the grav-couches there. 'Yeah. I'm good,' she answered.

 _What was she supposed to say to the kid? That she felt like screaming? That the last time she was here, the whole goddamn planet was on fire, being ripped apart by giant-ass machines? That she has_ no _idea what she's going to say to Liara, or how this is even going to_ fucking _work?_

She focused on breathing as the ship started to judder and shake; tell-tale signs of the initial phase of re-entry. She fell into one of the grav-couches before the turbulence kicked up, securing herself with a few swipes from her omni-tool. Tanari and Bellana watched her from the opposite couches.

' _What_ ,' she barked over the growing vibrations. Both of them comically feigned interest in something else, looking in opposite directions. Shepard wanted to laugh at the display but ran a hand over her face and hair to hide her amusement.

'Sorry, guys,' she shook her head. 'I'm a little…out of it,' she mumbled.

'No need to apologize, Shepard,' she barely heard Bellana. Tanari nodded, as if she was unsure what to say. Her eyes returned to Shepard's, clouded with concern.

For her part, Valerie Shepard clenched her teeth as the _E'Larissa_ rumbled and shook around her – down into Thessia's life-giving atmosphere – and towards Liara.

 _God, what am I doing,_ she thought, closing her eyes as the windows flooded with flames.

* * *

She stood on the loading platform facing the Tranquil Sea, watching the aquamarine horizon. She wore a simple dress of teal trimmed in white that fit her form snugly but comfortably. Her arms were bare, folded behind her back, and a simple choker of white lace decorated her neck. To her mind, she looked relaxed and opening – she didn't want to put Shepard off with needless formality.

Atheyta had another opinion on her attire, of course. Her father had looked her up and down, a knowing smirk on her lips. ' _Not bad, kid,'_ she had grinned. ' _Not bad at all.'_ Liara felt her cheeks blush under the afternoon sun, forcing herself to take a deep breath.

Danyssa stood at her side, stoic as ever. She nodded as she watched her omni-tool. 'They are on final approach. Another few minutes,' she said.

A distant sonic boom drew Liara's eyes to the deep blue skies, choked with ribbons of brilliant white clouds. A distant streak of white plummeted down, piercing the sky like a miniscule needle. 'I see her,' she whispered. _Calm, stay calm,_ she repeated. _Be casual, be yourself. Don't fidget!_

'Are you ready, _Domina_ ,' Danyssa asked, her words colored by the small smile on her lips.

 _Goddess, I do not know._ 'Of course,' she lied, proud that her voice did not waiver.

They watched the _E'Larissa_ grow on the horizon, slowing as it flew overhead. The thruster exhaust from her ventral boosters washed over them briefly in a haze of heat and wind. She turned mid-air, hovering, then gently set down on the landing pad before them. As the yacht settled - her engines whining down and cherry-red hull still cooling, the loading ramp on her belly lowered down.

'I will wait by the car,' Danyssa placed a hand on Liara's shoulder.

'Okay,' Liara whispered, distracted by four figures as they descended from the ship. She didn't feel Danyssa's gentle push, nor did she register the fact that her feet seemed to be moving of their own volition. Her mind was utterly blank as she took each step.

As she approached, she drank in every detail of the fiery headed human. She stood, flanked by Tanari and Bellana, dressed in simple civilian clothes too dark for the humid heat of Thessia; a dark grey button up shirt, sleeves rolled to the biceps, and faded blue pants. _Jeans. Denim, she called it,_ Liara remembered. She gripped a single bag by the strap over one shoulder, her free hand raised over her eyes to shield them from the sunlight.

In that shadow over her face, Liara saw brilliant green, tracking her every movement. She saw… _something_ , in that gaze. A mix of emotions, too chaotic to describe – familiar yet impossibly unknowable. Part of her wished it was _longing,_ but another guessed it was closer to _guarded._ As she drew closer, she saw the obvious signs of fatigue. The sag in her shoulders, the dark circles under her eyes, her half-parted lips. _She is exhausted,_ Liara knew. She had seen that look a thousand times and more during the war. _Be brief, let her rest. Then we can talk. We have time._

She stopped at arm's length, though her heart wanted nothing more than to embrace her. 'Shepard,' she smiled, hesitantly at first, then fully as the woman's face grinned in that unique way of hers.

'Hey Liara,' she answered. Her hand dropped from her face, and the two stood there, watching each other, for what seemed like an eternity. Cerulean locked with emerald, ignoring the commandos pretending not to watch, the breeze as it trussed Shepard's hair, the sea-birds _cawing_ from above.

Shepard broke the moment, dropping her eyes and turning the scarred side of her face away. Liara came back to herself as if stabbed. 'I…we welcome you,' she fumbled, making herself take a breath. _Goddess,_ she cursed internally. 'It is good to see you, Shepard. Please, follow me. I have a car waiting to take us to the house,' she gestured behind her.

It wasn't that far of course; the car was more for convenience than anything. She watched Shepard's eyes follow her hand, picking out the estate walls and size from here. _She is going to want to walk,_ Liara guessed.

'I'd rather walk, if that's ok,' Shepard shrugged, avoiding eye contact by taking in the scenery.

'Of course,' Liara smiled, shifting her attention to the commandos. 'Will you please inform Danyssa we will not be needing the car,' she asked.

Tanari nodded curtly. 'At once, Domina.'

Shepard walked past Liara but paused long enough for her to fall into step. ' _Domina,_ ' she asked quietly, curiosity colored her voice.

Liara giggled internally, keeping a small smile on her face. 'A formal address for one in my…unique position,' she paused, shrugging. 'I am the leader of my mother's house, yet I am no Matriarch – barely into my Maiden years, honestly.'

She watched as Shepard nodded, her eyes roaming the seemingly endless manicured lawns, the groves of trees, the distant imposing edifice of the estate itself, and finally – Liara herself. For her part, Liara pretended not to notice the random looks or the way every one made her heart flutter. She focused on keeping her head – her heart would take over when the time was right.

 _She is watching me,_ Liara realized, meeting Shepard's eyes briefly before they darted away. They walked along the stone path leading back to the estate in silence for a few minutes. Her heart pounded in her chest.

'Thank you for this, Liara,' Shepard broke the silence as their eyes met again. Beneath the weariness, she wore a small smile.

Liara forced her emotions aside. 'You are most welcome,' she answered, beaming. 'I hope you can relax and enjoy your time here.'

Shepard grinned then, running a hand through her hair. 'No giant machines of destruction, no thresher maws, krogan, zombies or mercs,' she chuckled.

'Or clones, lest we forget,' Liara giggled.

She watched Shepard's face relax, watched her confident stride, the play in her toned limbs as she moved. _Goddess,_ she scolded herself, forcing her eyes somewhere else. _Stop staring._

'Was this your mother's place,' Shepard asked, nodding towards the house.

Liara took a breath. 'Yes. It was…mostly intact, when I returned,' she paused. 'I have expanded the grounds since.'

'Its beautiful,' Shepard said quietly, her emerald orbs locked with blue.

Liara dropped her head with a wide smile. 'Thank you, Shepard.' _Goddess!_

* * *

Her heart was racing as they walked down the boarding ramp and the tropical, humid air assaulted her body instantly. She breathed out a long breath, adjusting the grip on her bag. _I'm going to roast here,_ she thought as she raised her free hand to shield her eyes from the oppressive sunlight. Green dominated the view. _Thessia is paradise_ , she realized with a shock. The air smelled of salt from the ocean, carried on a warm breeze that caught her hair – laced with the bitter-sweet tang of eezo and hints of wildflowers.

Sea-birds glided on thermals overhead, _cawing_ at the disruption of their noisy arrival. Shadows of clouds rolled over them, offering fleeting reprieves from the afternoon sun at random intervals. The grounds of the estate stretched off beyond the landing platform; seemingly endless fields of grass, clusters of tall thin-trunked trees, hedges and wildflowers all immaculately manicured. It was… _serene._

Then her eyes found Liara.

She felt her lips part, her shoulders drop, her breath grow shallow at the sight. Liara wore a form-fitting, sleeveless dress of teal – it ended just below her knees, cut open in a 'v' from her collar to her navel and secured by thin strips of white across her torso. A collar of white lace decorated her slender throat. Shepard stood… _captivated._

 _My God, Liara,_ she thought, unable to peal her eyes away. As she drew closer, Shepard felt her heart-rate skyrocket. Her vision seemed to swim as her pulse pounded in her ears. _No. Not now. Stay calm,_ she ordered herself. _Don't you dare show her how weak you are._

 _You think she cares,_ her mind seethed. _Your nothing to her anymore – just another project, just another sad story in this fucked up reality. She's dedicated her life to aiding others. What have you done but bring pain and death?_

'Shepard,' Liara greeted her in that soft, sweet voice.

'Hey Liara,' she answered, forcing her voice from a suddenly dry throat. Her eyes locked onto those depthless pools of beautiful blue, taking in every detail of her face: the sweep of her crests, as they faded into iridescent white, the dark freckles sprinkled across her nose and cheeks, the curve of her soft lips. She was flustered, the blood filling her face making her freckles stand out even more. She couldn't stop as a stupid grin split her face.

 _I forgot how beautiful you are, Blue,_ Shepard thought.

 _You think she gives a shit? Wake up. You're a fucking disgrace, gawping at a woman you drove away._ She broke away with the painful thought, taking a shallow breath. She hears Liara welcome her, her eyes moved to watch her gesture to the sprawling expanse of her home, about a kilometer away.

 _I need to move. Can't think strait._ 'I'd rather walk, if that's ok,' she asked, watching as Liara smiled knowingly. She addressed her commandos then, whom Shepard had quite honestly forgotten about.

'At once, _Domina,_ ' Tanari had answered.

Shepard cocked her head slightly at the phrase but kept her eyes away from Liara as she stepped past her. She wanted to keep going, but the proximity to her felt like the pull of a singularity. She turned, waiting for her to come along side. As they started walking, she couldn't fight the urge to ask, so laced the question with curiosity and a touch of humor.

She listens to Liara explain her title, hearing the familiar tones of simple honesty – mixed with a touch of sadness, or cynicism. _Still stinging from the hand fate dealt her,_ Shepard guessed with a nod. _Fate didn't kill her mother -_ you _did._

She kept her eyes moving as they walked, trying to avoid Liara's gaze. She was starting to sweat, from the heat or her own panicking body – she couldn't really tell. _Probably both._ The stone path before them stretched on, through the green fields and beautiful trees, leading into a courtyard of clean white marble before the house. She guessed it would take another thirty minutes to reach it. _Just keep walking._

Her eyes roamed the scenery as she tried to think of something to say. Her mind was blank. It was too much contrast to all those years on Earth – surrounded by grey, buried in work, drowning in pain. As the silence stretched on, she became grimly aware of how _loud_ the purring mechanics of her prosthetics sounded in her ears. Her eyes darted to Liara, watching her, hoping she didn't notice.

 _She's not deaf, you fucking cyborg,_ she thought bitterly. Her eyes dropped with the thought, as she shook her head. When she looked back up at her, their eyes met. 'Thank you for this, Liara,' the words came of their own volition. She hoped they sounded as sincere as she really felt.

She watched as something passed over Liara's face before it vanished in her beaming smile. It lit her eyes, setting her heart pounding. 'You are most welcome,' she replied. 'I hope you can relax and enjoy your time here.'

 _I hope so too,_ Shepard thought, unable to stop the half-grin that crept over her face with the coarse humor that bloomed in her head. 'No giant machines of destruction, no thresher maws, krogan, zombies or mercs,' she released a weak chuckle.

'Or clones, lest we forget.'

Liara had laughed then – her beautiful, melodic laugh. Shepard felt the sound penetrate her, flow into her like a balm of cleansing water. It was honest and pure – soothing and infectious. She felt herself relax, even as Liara watched her.

She didn't want to lose the moment yet couldn't hold Liara's gaze either. She nodded to the house, asking if it was her mother's. She assumed it was but needed to keep talking. _I missed your voice, Blue._

She listened as Liara confirmed her assumption. Her eyes moved over the gorgeous scenery once again, taking it all in, before resting inevitably on Liara.

'Its beautiful,' she couldn't stop the whisper from escaping, averting her gaze and quietly damning herself immediately.

She didn't see Liara's face when she answered.

(A/N: I hope this chapter didn't confuse you. I wanted to get both POV's from their initial reunion, as best I could. Any and all feedback is appreciated, and as always, thank you for reading. This chapter marks an official milestone for me; this is the longest story I've ever written, or shared :D )


	8. Chapter 8

Eight:

Hunger

Hackett

 _Derjaali_

After an extensive introduction to the surprisingly large staff of house-keepers, grounds-keepers, cooks, cleaners, administrative assistants and several squads of commandos – Shepard was given a tour of the expansive mansion. Liara had excused herself to complete a few last-minute meetings and reports, leaving Shepard with Danyssa, her Guard Captain.

The estate was…impressive. Four stories tall, with two main wings centered around a courtyard of _J'Tarra_ marble with multiple fountains and gardens. Twenty-odd rooms, a barracks and training area for the commandos, independent power and waste recycle facilities built into the bedrock below – Liara had built herself a _fortress._

 _Where did the shy archeologist go_ , Shepard wondered, still trying to process everything she had seen and heard in the last couple of hours. The sun was setting in the wide window as she looked out at the brilliant view of the gardens and forests beyond the estate, highlighting the leaves in red and turning the sky to fire. _No wonder she rarely leaves,_ she thought.

'I can show you to your room, if you wish,' Danyssa had stopped, waiting on her to continue the tour. They still had the whole other wing to explore.

Shepard looked to the veteran huntress, tucking her hair behind her ear. Danyssa was still a mystery; courteous and professional, clearly a survivor – judging by her scars and bearing, yet somehow immune to Shepard's casual probing questions. _Tight lipped, fiercely loyal to Liara – there's history there,_ she surmised. She watched the Captain intently, trying to figure her out.

The huntress arched an eyebrow, returning her scrutiny. 'Yes,' she asked, clasping her hands behind her back.

Shepard shook her head, taking a breath. 'Sorry,' she began, 'I'm just…trying to wrap my head around…all this,' she gestured around her, 'and you. I don't mean to pry. I just like to know who I'm dealing with – where we stand.'

Danyssa nodded. 'I understand you mean well, Shepard. Please understand that I…do not,' she paused, cocking her head slightly as uncertainty flashed over her dark blue features. 'I value my privacy. I mean no offense,' she finished simply.

Shepard shrugged, but nodded after. 'I understand completely,' she replied, taking another breath as she turned back to the window. 'It's just a coping mechanism. Learning about people,' her vision unfocused as she stared off into the sunset. 'It was always easier for me to listen about other people.'

She felt the commando watching her as she spoke. 'Lady T'Soni has spoken of this,' she paused as Shepard turned back meet her gold-pinned eyes. 'you are a leader; a leader must know her squad-members better than she knows herself,' she nodded before she continued. 'Yet it was not enough – for circumstances would not allow a leader of anything less than extraordinary caliber to succeed as you did. You did not simply grow to _know_ your team, Shepard,' she nodded again, 'you grew to love them.'

 _I did love them,_ she admitted. She felt a well of emotion so powerful it made her face twitch. She looked away from the stoic huntress to the darkened sky and ran a hand through her hair. _Keep it together,_ she ordered herself.

'Forgive me if I misspoke –'

'No, it's nothing,' she interrupted, rolling the tension from her shoulders and neck. She was rewarded with several clear snaps and clicks from the effort. 'I think that's enough for today,' she whispered. _I need to sleep._

'Very well,' Danyssa inclined her head. 'I shall show you to your room.'

As Shepard fell into step beside her, she couldn't help but wonder how much Liara had shared about their history with Danyssa. The huntress was either well informed, or very good at reading people she just met. _You're being paranoid, let it go,_ she told herself. She wondered what Liara was doing, when her stomach spoke up.

'What was that…noise,' Danyssa stopped, her face pulled into a concerned mask as her eyes scanned the corridor.

Shepard frowned as she hung her head. 'Me,' she admitted.

'Are you well,' Danyssa almost laughed, but managed to hold her composure.

Shepard huffed the hair from her face. 'Been living off protein bars, noodles, water and coffee for a few days,' she spread her arms as she shrugged, 'guess it's caught up to me.'

Danyssa shook her head as she continued walking. 'That sounded like an animal,' she confessed, gesturing for Shepard to follow. 'Come. I shall take you to the kitchen first.'

* * *

Liara pinched the brow of her nose with a thumb and forefinger as she closed her files with a swipe from her free hand. She was tired, physically and emotionally, from the events of the day. Shepard's arrival had been…taxing, but exhilarating. She had intended to spend more time with her, yet even the short hours' worth of her absence from the office had seen a mountain of reports and data pile up.

 _Such is the price of success,_ she thought wearily as she stood, working the tension out of her neck. She still wore the same dress that she had greeted Shepard in hours ago. She set her hands on her hips as she looked down at it. _Goddess, I look ridiculous,_ she shook her head.

She had fretted about what to wear for far longer than she would ever admit. Her choices were legion, everything from her old white-on-black armor to the long-tailed traditional dresses worn by her mother. She sighed heavily at the memory. _I hate dresses._

She had missed the sunset, and more than likely an opportunity to eat with Shepard, so she decided to retire herself. She needed a shower and something to eat, _Goddess willing_ , a good night's rest. As she turned from the desk, her terminal decided to start beeping.

'You have an incoming vid-call, Dr. T'Soni,' Glyph cheerfully announced from his docking cradle at the corner of her desk.

'Yes, thank you Glyph,' she deadpanned. _I need a real assistant,_ she sighed internally as she activated the terminal. Her eyebrows rose in surprise as the image on the display solidified to reveal non-other than an aging Admiral Hackett.

'Liara T'Soni,' Hackett greeted her with a curt nod, stoic as ever.

She felt her eyes narrow as she sat up strait, all weariness forgotten in a burst of adrenaline. 'Admiral,' she fought to keep her tone light, only barely succeeding. _The nerve of this man,_ she fumed.

Hackett hesitated at her tone but pushed on. 'Liara, I need –'

'No,' she interrupted, a smile on her face but ice in her words. 'I do not think so, Admiral,' she added, cocking her head.

Hackett let out a breath, his jowls bulging briefly as he ground his teeth. 'Liara I understand –'

'I doubt that, Admiral,' she laughed, the chill in her voice infecting her eyes. She continued after he watched her in silence for the span of six heartbeats. 'Allow me to lay the ground-rules: First, I am House T'Soni, of Thessia. You will address me as Lady or Doctor – we are not _friends_ , Admiral,' she paused, taking a breath. 'Secondly, I will _not_ help you in any way regarding Shepard - _after you turned your back and washed your hands with the greatest soldier ever to serve your idiotic race_.'

She could feel the dark energy of her biotics crackling over her skin as she practically spat her proclamation. She focused on breathing for a few seconds, flexing her hands to ease the wisps of power to diffuse. Hackett took her venomous statements in stride. _For all his faults, he is no fool – and he is simply another soldier following orders. Damn him. He could have – should have - done something,_ she thought.

'If I may, _Lady T'Soni_ ,' Hackett began, holding his hands up, continuing after she gave him a curt nod. 'Thank you.'

'I won't stand here and lie to you, Doctor; Shepard deserved better. But what's done is done. My concern is purely personal, and off the record. She has nobody; no family, no interests, and now,' he shook his head, dropping his eyes. 'Look, I've sent her messages, nothing comes back. I even dropped in on her apartment, the damn place was vacant.'

Liara fought to hold her calm exterior, in the face of someone who appeared to care so much about Shepard. _Did you care so much when you ordered her into harms way? When you saw the pressure she was under? When you saw what she gave to end that unspeakable war?_

'All I ask is if you hear from her,' his voice trailed off.

 _He could be sincere,_ Liara thought, _or he could be fishing for intel. To think, there was a time when I simply took people at face value – how the child has grown._

'Of course, Admiral,' she lied.

* * *

Shepard sat in the darkened galley – _kitchen_ – eating a bowl of green and purple… _something_. It looked like mashed potatoes mixed with cubes of tofu but tasted like scrambled eggs and chicken. She was nursing her third bowl, reflecting on the day.

Their arrival had went…well, better than she expected, all things considered. The brief time she had spent with Liara was great. _She looked great,_ she thought, running a hand through her hair as she ate. _Wonder what she thought about me._

 _Nothing good,_ her mind spat. _She could barely look at you._

She held her head, digging her thumb and fingers into her brow. ' _Stupid_ ,' she whispered.

'Shepard,' Liara asked, raising the illumination higher. The kitchen, like the estate itself, was expansive. Shepard sat at the central island on one of the barstools, her back to Liara as she entered. Chrome cooking appliances lined the walls, surrounded by storage compartments. A separate door on the opposite wall led to a sizeable walk-in cold room. Glass and bright white dominated the entire affair.

Shepard turned to face Liara over her shoulder. 'Hey,' she replied around a mouth full of food. She still wore the same clothes she arrived in, while Liara had changed from the uncharacteristic dress into a robe of black and yellow. Shepard watched a smile light her face as she approached.

'I see your manners have not improved,' she commented, moving to the stove and the still warm pot resting there. She removed the lid, breathing in the scent. ' _Derjaali_ _,_ ' she hummed. 'One of my favorites,' she told Shepard as she found herself a bowl. 'Did Hani make this,' she asked.

Shepard shook her head as she lowered her gaze to her food. 'I'm not sure,' she confessed. 'Which one is Hani,' she asked.

Liara giggled. 'My height, slightly thinner, violet complexion with white facial markings,' she described the chef as she deposited a healthy serving in her bowl.

Shepard frowned as she shook her head again. 'I've met a lot of Asari today,' she sighed as she ran a hand over her face. 'Sorry,' she blinked. Her eyes felt like they had ants crawling behind them. _I need to sleep._

Liara shrugged, leaning back against the cupboards as she took her first spoonful. She hummed, closing her eyes as she chewed. Shepard watched, feeling a small smile curve her lips.

'Definitely Hani,' Liara whispered with a smile.

Shepard held her gaze as she opened her eyes. The moment stretched – neither one ate, or moved, or looked away; blue looked into green and vice-versa, trying to guess what the other wanted. Shepard knew what she wanted to do – knew what she wanted to say. All she had to do was open her mouth and say it and -

'Hackett called me,' Liara blurted, breaking the spell. She scowled immediately after, like a teenager caught in a lie.

Shepard fought down a groan but was not successful. She turned the left side of her face from Liara before answering. 'Not surprising. He's been messaging me ever since I left Earth.'

Liara nodded, seemingly focused on her food suddenly. She shifted her stance – crossed her legs, refusing to meet Shepard's eyes. 'I…well…I will not be speaking to him again,' she said quietly.

Shepard's brow knit in concern, watching Liara fidget with some internal struggle. 'What is it,' she asked, 'what did he want?'

Liara kept her silence for several heartbeats. 'He expressed his guilt for the way you have been treated, asked me if – in the event I saw you – I would relay his apology, and wished me well,' she replied very rapidly, taking a deep breath at the end.

 _You're a horrible liar T'Soni,_ Shepard thought. 'He said that, huh,' she deadpanned.

Liara's cheeks flushed from blue to almost indigo as she took another bite. 'Yes,' she stated, covering her mouth with her hand. She had to swallow before continuing. 'That is what he said,' she kept her eyes down.

 _She's upset,_ Shepard realized, her brow knitting with concern. 'It's ok, Liara –'

'No, it is not,' Liara interrupted. She watched as Liara shook her head, set her bowl down and held herself tightly. Her blue eyes were darker when they lifted. 'None of this is ok, Shepard,' she whispered fiercely. 'I will never forgive them for what they put you through,' she added.

The intensity in her eyes threatened to break Shepard's resolve. She felt her pulse hammering in her ears as she held onto those blue wells of emotion, her mind screaming at her to run, her heart pleading at her to stay. The struggle within raged for nearly a minute, until she finally conquered herself. She pushed up off the stool to stand, taking a deep breath to steady herself. _You just got here and she's already in pain. Get out. Get the fuck out!_

'I didn't come here to burden you,' she whispered after dropping her head, avoiding Liara's eyes. She didn't see the look on Liara's face or acknowledge her whispered protests. Her head was pounding – she didn't have the energy to fight this battle. 'It's late… I should go.' She turned to leave, feeling like she was walking through waist deep mud. _Can't let her see me like this._ 'I'm sorry.'

' _Shepard_ ,' Liara called, and she froze but didn't turn to face her. 'I…I am sorry. I will not apologize for defending someone I…,' her voice trailed off. Shepard struggled to control her trembling limbs. _Stop, Blue. Please,_ she pleaded silently. She heard Liara sigh. 'You are right. We can finish this tomorrow. Sleep well,' she finished, her voice colored with disappointment.

Valerie Shepard – the woman who brokered alliances between all the myriad races of the galaxy - nodded over her shoulder. She couldn't trust her own voice from breaking before the one soul she cherished above all others. _The one I always seem to hurt the most._

She fought the urge to run – to flee into the night, disappear into the wild and lock everything away. _What the fuck am I doing,_ she screamed inside. Her walls were under siege, the chaotic flood of emotions, guilt and memories threatening to tear down her mental fortress. _This was a mistake. I just got here -how am I so close to losing it already?_

 _Because you're weak,_ her mind hissed, _and Liara knows it. She sees how fragile you are – and pities you._

She shook her head, taking a deep breath as she walked to her room.


	9. Chapter 9

NINE:

A'Tolla

Daggers

Curiosity

She ran in the pre-dawn mist; limbs pumping, lungs burning. Her faded Navy-issue t-shirt and shorts were soaked from the sweat dripping from her body. She checked her omni-tool – she was nearly eight kilometers in now. She picked up the pace.

The path through the forest was well kept, easy enough to follow. She didn't mind that she had no idea where it led. Tanari followed her, ten meters or so behind.

She had woken from another nightmare, earlier. She didn't remember much of it. The estate was dark and silent, so she decided to go for a run. She found Tanari posted outside her door. The young commando seemed surprised to see her awake, not to mention dressed as she was. When Shepard explained, Tanari volunteered to join her.

'Do you want to change,' Shepard asked as she gestured to the commando's uniform.

Tanari smiled. 'No need,' she said simply. 'How far do you want to run,' she asked.

Shepard shrugged. 'Ten or twelve kilometers.'

'I know a path,' Tanari nodded. They left the estate soon after.

The sounds of the wilderness of Thessia were muted, with only a few bird-calls breaking the silence. That helped. She _needed_ the quiet. Running always allowed her to completely blank her mind – focusing on nothing, thinking about nothing. Just _feeling._ She felt the impacts of every tread, the cool sting of the morning air chilling her skin, the thundering drumbeat of her heart.

She didn't even notice the rain when it started – initially a light sprinkle turned to a steady downpour. _Tropical climate,_ she shook her head, flicking rain mixed with sweat from her eyes. _Just like old times,_ she chuckled internally. The dirt of the forest path quickly turned to a puddle-filled mess, splashing her legs and shorts with muddied water.

She glanced over her shoulder, checking to see if Tanari was still with her. The commando grinned at her, right where she was fifteen minutes ago. Shepard fought the urge to shake her head.

They ran in silence, through the winding path under the rain forest canopy. She saw many of Thessia's unique flora as they passed: kalaki fungus, sprouting up the length of the tall slender trees, broad leaved palms, even a cluster of v'almyr flowers. _Mordin told her about v'almyr flowers,_ she remembered. ' _Highly toxic, excellent metabolic rate, easily detectable in bloodstream – perhaps will take a look, when time available.'_

She shook her head to clear the sound of his voice, swiping the bottom of her soaked t-shirt over her face in a vain attempt to clear her eyes. As she blinked to clear the stinging sensation, she saw the lake.

It sat under a waterfall, one side barricaded by high cliffs, surrounded by a wall of oblong stones the size of boulders. She felt her stride slow as they approached - the forest dropped away, revealing the size and scope of it. As she neared the closest boulder, she slowed to a walk, realizing one boulder stood twice again as tall as her. Runes decorated every inch of its surface; concentric designs crisscrossed the entire edifice. Every stone was the same.

Tanari approached, placing a hand on the stone. She murmured something in Thessian quietly, smiling. Shepard watched as she caught her breath.

'What is this place,' she asked.

Tanari watched her, then shrugged as she cocked her head. 'Nothing sacred,' she smiled. 'It is called A'Tolla. I have many good memories from this place,' she gestured to the lake.

Shepard nodded, keeping her legs moving. The lake stretched out before them, beautiful and mysterious in the mist-choked downpour. 'You came here often,' she asked, rolling her shoulders.

Tanari seemed to hesitate. 'With my mother. She was very traditional – much like Liara's mother, I have been told. I celebrated my birthdays here. It is a _b'leaan ejh'tarii,'_ she smiled sadly.

Shepard shook her head. 'Sorry, the translator didn't pick that last bit up.'

Tanari shrugged. 'A… _social place,_ ' she spoke hesitantly.

'Like a public park,' Shepard nodded.

Tanari seemed to consider it. 'Close enough,' she agreed. 'We Asari are communal, so the lines between 'private' and 'public' can be blurred,' she paused, gently stroking the face of the stone before her. 'it is a place of remembrance, Shepard. A…place for life; the beginning, middle, and end for some.'

Shepard shifted uneasily. 'What do you mean,' she paused, nodding to the lake. 'you guys have kids in there?'

Tanari shrugged, one half of her lips curled. 'Communal, Shepard, remember?'

'Yeah.'

Silence reigned for a few moments as Shepard stretched. 'You good,' she asked the distracted commando.

'Yes. I was just saying goodbye,' she answered quietly.

'To who,' Shepard asked.

Tanari eyed her, one brow arched. 'Lady Benezia. I was here with my mother and sister when Liara spread her ashes here. Most of Serrice was, actually.'

Shepard hung her head. _Shit._

She was back there in an instant – crouched over her body, listening to her rasp her last breaths as Liara sobbed, cradling her head. Dark, violet blood flowed around her gloved hands as she pressed into her wounds. _C'mon, stay with me,_ she had growled, her eyes darting to Liara's face. Her bottom lip trembled as hot tears flowed down her freckled cheeks. She met Shepard's eyes, the look of absolute anguish, pain and horror there crushed her heart.

She felt her pulse stop. She watched her face grow slack. Her eyes dimmed.

She heard Liara scream.

'Shepard,' Tanari asked.

She nodded, taking a breath. She turned back to the lake, running a hand through her hair to clear her eyes. 'Give me a minute,' she said quietly, walking towards the waters edge.

* * *

Liara cocked her head as she cupped her tea with both hands, her back leaning on the balcony railing. Dressed in a simple cotton shirt and slacks, stained orange with the rising sun, she faced Danyssa for the Captain's daily brief. 'What do you mean, 'off-location',' she asked.

The Captain held a hand up, her eyes darting from Liara to her omni-tool. 'It is under control, Domina. It appears the two of them left early and went for a run. I have two drones tracking them as we speak. Tanari…is young. She obviously forgot to check in.'

Liara fought the urge to roll her eyes. _Shepard,_ she sighed. 'Where are they now,' she asked with resignation. _Tanari knows better. Shepard on the other hand – I shouldn't be surprised. She always hated stationary exercise machines._

'Four kilometers out,' Danyssa reported. 'Closing steadily.'

'Okay. Keep an eye on them, please,' Liara nodded, turning back to face the sun, closing her eyes. 'I would like to speak with Tanari when they return,' she added quietly. 'In my study.'

'Of course, Domina,' Danyssa inclined her head. 'If there is nothing else,' she let the question hang.

'No, thank you,' Liara glanced at her. 'and please stop calling me that,' she smiled.

'Old habits,' the Captain's lips curled slightly. She turned to leave as Atheyta was joining them, dressed in a loose-fitting robe of satin synthweave and a broad smile on her face. She gave the Captain a playful smack on her ass as she passed.

'Later babe,' she chuckled, ignoring the Captain as she tensed and glared. 'Morning Little Wing,' she greeted her daughter, joining her at the balcony railing.

'You are up early today,' Liara commented, ignoring the exchange entirely.

'Yeah,' Atheyta shrugged. 'Got a long day, figured I'd see you and get some breakfast before I take off.'

Liara turned to her then, setting her tea down. 'You are leaving,' she asked.

Her father gave a curt nod. 'Yeah, _somebody_ needs to keep an eye on Aria. Goddess knows what the hell she's up to these days. Nothing good.'

Liara agreed whole-heartily yet failed to understand why Atheyta should be the one to do it, and why now, of all times. She told her father as much.

Atheyta grinned. 'I love you, kid,' she paused as she shrugged a shoulder, 'but I'm not cut out for the 'courter' life. Besides,' she nodded out beyond the courtyard and the gardens, towards the sun. 'You got your plate full here. I don't want to get in the way.'

Liara was quiet for a few heartbeats. She laid her hand on Atheyta's shoulder. 'You are always welcome here,' she squeezed. 'you know that.'

Another small smile. 'I know kid, and thanks,' she straitened, cupping Liara's cheek. 'You remember what I said now,' she nodded. 'You try your best, and if she's too dumb to listen, well…you know what to do.'

Liara smiled, despite herself. 'Blunt as ever, Atheyta.'

Her father kissed her head. 'Take care kid, and go easy on the youngster,' she pulled back, grinning. 'Jealousy don't look right on ya babe,' she laughed.

Liara narrowed her eyes at her father's retreating form.

'I can feel those daggers,' Atheyta called from within.

And then she was alone with the rising sun.

* * *

They jogged in silence since leaving the lake, as Shepard tried to process her emotions into a more manageable state. She didn't know if she was entirely successful. Benezia had always been a dark place in her mind – a cave she didn't like to explore. As the years had worn on, the guilt from that terrible act had seemed to lessen, yet it all came back in an instant.

 _Shouldn't have come here,_ she thought between breaths. _You knew better – but you did it anyway._

Distant buzzing caught her attention, drawing her eyes up. With the rising sun came an increase in temperature – the steam from the short rainfall added an oppressive layer of humidity to the heat. Above them, drifting over the billowing fog, her eyes picked out the miniscule shape of two drones following them.

 _Surveillance drones?_ She looked over to Tanari, pointing up with a finger. 'Any idea what those are about,' she asked.

Tanari craned her head back, eyes squinting. 'Drones,' she confirmed, sprinting to catch back up to Shepard. 'Why are drones tracking us,' she asked.

Shepard huffed a laugh between breaths. 'You tell me, kid,' she glanced at her, 'I'm on vacation.'

Tanari frowned at that. 'Do not call me that,' she muttered.

Shepard shook her head, rolling her eyes. 'Fine. Sorry,' she replied, checking her omni-tool. They were less than a kilometer out. 'C'mon,' she grunted, and charged ahead at full sprint. Tanari followed a second later.

When she had first learned that she lost most of the left side of her body in the explosion that nearly killed her, she was too numbed to care. She couldn't feel _shit_ – literally. Her spine was "mangled"; a technical term the doctors used, so she was effectively paralyzed from the neck down. Only later after the medi-gel vat treatments, bone grafts and restructuring, organ transplants, skin grafts - surgery after surgery after surgery – did she truly begin to _feel_ her missing limbs. Or lack thereof.

Then they gave her new ones.

And a whole new _era_ of pain began. In order to function properly, her cybernetic limbs needed healthy nerves to interface with. Unfortunately, that meant losing _more_ of herself to invasive surgery. She lost her shoulder, her hip, most of her pelvis – and gained fresh agony each and every time she moved.

 _It's amazing what you get used to._ She was grunting with every stride, lungs burning, but pushed through. It's what she _did._ She endured.

 _Even when you don't want to,_ a voice deep down told her, tinted with pride. _You're a survivor._

Danyssa was waiting for them in the courtyard, arms folded over her chest. She nodded impassively to Shepard as she slowed to a trot, then a walk, arms held up over her head as she drew in ragged breaths. Tanari soon pulled up beside her, similarly winded. She waited in dignified patience.

'Captain,' Shepard greeted her finally as she bent to stretch her leg.

'Good morning, Shepard,' Danyssa replied evenly, before turning her attention to Tanari. 'Lady T'Soni would like a word, in her study,' she informed her.

Tanari glanced at Shepard, who shrugged. 'Is something amiss,' she asked.

Danyssa closed her eyes, her face a mask of calm. 'Need I repeat myself, Tanari,' she asked quietly.

 _That sounds serious,_ Shepard felt her brow knit. 'What's going on Danyssa,' she asked.

'Not your concern Shepard. Tanari: move,' the Captain fixed the young commando with a glare. Tanari complied with a nod to Shepard before she left.

Danyssa turned her attention to Shepard in the silence that followed. 'I realize my own oversight in this matter, therefore I will correct it now,' she stated, taking a step closer to where Shepard stretched. 'In the future, if you wish to leave the estate grounds, please inform me first; I would rather avoid this embarrassment from happening again.'

Shepard narrowed her eyes at the Captain's words and tone, instantly on edge. 'Really,' she asked, rolling her shoulders as she squared up to the huntress.

Danyssa arched a brow at her posturing. 'Your ignorance limits your responsibility in this,' she paused, mirroring Shepard as the two started circling each other. 'You did not know any better.'

'Yeah, I understood the first time,' Shepard smirked, flicking sweat from her limbs as she shook to loosen up.

'Are you sure you want to do this,' Danyssa cocked her head. 'I am no threat to you, Shepard.'

 _Curious choice of words,_ Shepard thought. She shrugged a shoulder. 'Maybe I'm just curious.'

Still circling each other, the Captain seemed to consider that before she offered a quick nod.

It was all Shepard needed.

What followed was a brief – but savage – assault. Tired from the run, Shepard knew she had no chance against a rested opponent, especially an armored one. She charged in anyway, leading with her left – just like all those matches with Vega. The commando blocked three strikes and threw a back-handed slap lightning-quick – that sent her reeling. She recovered enough to defend against the flurry of kicks that followed, even managed to score a glancing blow with her left elbow to the huntress' gut.

In the end, she was too slow and tired to make a difference. Danyssa caught her right arm in a lock, kicked her right leg out from under her, and slammed her into the beautifully polished J'Tarra marble without mercy.

Shepard spat a wad of bloody spit from her lips after she regained the ability to breathe. Turning over onto her back, she chuckled as Danyssa's dark face walked into view, stoic as always. She offered a hand down to her.

' _Hnn_ ,' Shepard managed at first. 'Give me a minute.' _Fuck, that hurt._

'Satisfied,' Danyssa asked as she waited.

Shepard's grin was bloody. 'It's a start.'


	10. Chapter 10

TEN:

With you

I am here

No apologies

The bright midday sun was unbroken by any clouds as they walked the beach, side by side, wading ankle deep in the gentle waves. Liara had grown accustomed to the Asari predilection for nudity – even enjoyed it if she was completely honest – but chose to cover herself in a simple bikini top and bottom of white with a thin cloth wrap of teal around her waist. Shepard – with her limited wardrobe, chose to wear a faded grey sleeveless t-shirt and a particularly ancient pair of cut off jeans she dubbed 'her lucky pants'. The denim was full of holes, cut off just below her knees, and fit snugly to her athletic form – which Liara _also_ enjoyed.

A steady breeze rolled in off the sea, cooling them from the punishing sun. It pulled at Liara's wrap and Shepard's hair as they walked, the sea-birds crying out overhead. Liara couldn't help but glance at her every few moments. She had been furious with her earlier – when she found her in a side alcove of the kitchen, a bloody rag pressed to her lips, still soaked from sweat and the rain from her morning run.

Shepard was cradling her side, her head tilted back as she attempted to stem the flow of blood from her nose and lips when Liara approached. She took a breath, attempting to reign in her outrage. _Goddess help me,_ she prayed silently.

'Was that necessary, Shepard,' she asked, trying to sound casual but failing.

Shepard refused to meet her eyes as she shrugged. 'I've had better ideas,' she mumbled, sniffing wetly. 'Your Captain has some moves.'

Liara shook her head, sighing. 'Yes, that is why she is a Captain. I fail to see the purpose of this confrontation. I could have told you of her qualifications myself, if you had asked.'

Shepard shook her head, huffing a weak laugh which made her wince and grip her side tighter. 'You can't read everything in a service record Liara,' she whispered, finally turning her emerald eyes to meet dark blue. 'You should know that.'

 _Yes,_ Liara agreed. Long ago, when she had first come aboard the Normandy and met the scarlet-haired woman standing before her, she had dug up everything she could of her past. _For research purposes,_ she had lied. Even then she had been… _enthralled_ by Shepard. She wanted – _needed_ to know more about her.

The memory drained her anger instantly – leaving the bitter taste of lingering jealousy in its wake. She was shamed by the truth of it. Tanari had made a mistake; she should have checked in before running off into the dark with Shepard, but no harm had come from it. Liara had sent the young commando off to Serrice chastised and humbled due to her jealousy more than any breach in protocol. _Because she wanted Shepard to herself – Goddess, am I really so childish?_

Shepard sniffed again, grunting as she shifted her stance, leaning on the counter. 'Think I bruised a rib,' she growled quietly. Liara reached for her instantly.

'Let me see.'

'It's fine,' Shepard pulled away. 'Just need some medi-gel,' she started to turn, but Liara stopped her with a gentle hand on her shoulder.

'Shepard, please,' she asked.

Her long curtain of wet hair - the color of dark blood - hid her features as she hung her head. She didn't speak as she seemed to consider her options. 'Ok,' she sighed.

'Follow me,' Liara nodded.

They walked to a nearby med-station connected to the commando barracks; filled with cupboards and storage cabinets of medical supplies, a simple examination bed and a scanning station built into the far wall. Liara asked Shepard to sit, while she locked the door behind them.

She moved around to Shepard's back, searching the cupboards for medi-gel and a bandage wrap as the human pulled her shirt off, grunting. Supplies in hand, she turned back – and froze.

Shepard wore her usual training bra under her shirt – the black fabric taunt against her skin. The lean, corded muscles of her back glistened with a sheen of sweat. Liara took in every freckle, every bulge, every scar. _Goddess, what did you do,_ she felt her pulse hammering at the sight. Shepard's back was a road-map of scars. She could see the miniscule lights of cybernetic implants dancing up and down her reconstructed spine.

The right side of her torso along her ribs was already red – the impact site of her earlier sparring session with Danyssa. Liara came back to herself, unrolling the bandage wrap.

'That will most likely bruise terribly,' she said quietly.

Shepard looked away from her as she lifted her arm. 'I've had worse Liara,' her voice was pitched, barely above a whisper.

 _I remember,_ Liara thought. She bit her lip as she gently spread a film of gel onto the swollen area. Shepard's skin was hot. The smell of her sweat and the heat from her body was intoxicating. She edged closer, unable to stop herself, as she pulled the wrap around her torso. Her fingers brushed the frayed ends of her hair. _Oh,_ she nearly gasped.

'Shepard,' the word escaped her lips; not a question or a statement, just a sighed whisper.

She watched as her pale, freckled flesh pebbled in that amazing phenomena unique to human anatomy – 'goosebumps' Shepard had called it. She ached to run her fingertips across it.

'I'm ok, Blue,' Shepard took her hand then in a gentle squeeze. She sniffed wetly, raised her head and pulled her hair back with her other hand.

Liara saw her face. One eye was red, a match for the dried blood from one nostril and the miniscule gash on her upper lip. She wore a small smile despite it.

Liara matched the smile, dabbing her lip with a small deposit of gel. 'No one has called me that in a long time,' she confessed. She bit her bottom lip again. 'I never enjoyed that nickname,' she lied.

Shepard smirked then. 'You're a horrible liar, T'Soni.'

Liara moved away, dropping her head as her face flushed indigo. She took a breath. _Steady,_ she told herself. As she returned the supplies to their respective containers, she heard Shepard grunt as she replaced her shirt.

'I need a shower.'

Liara laughed. 'Yes,' she looked over her shoulder. 'Join me for breakfast when you are ready. I cleared some time from my schedule today - I would like to spend it with you.'

Shepard smirked again as she inclined her head. 'Ok.'

And so, they walked the beach. Liara had been rambling for the majority of the journey so far: speaking about her work, of course. How she had rebuilt her mother's house and founded the T'Soni Relief Institute; a non-profit charity focused on aiding refugees and collating lost antiquities of Asari culture. She talked about finding Danyssa, of their collaborative efforts in finding orphans and lost souls, welcoming them into House T'Soni – a chance to heal and live in peace after so much tragedy.

Shepard listened, as was her way, asking pointed questions about minor details at random intervals. _She always made others feel valued – no matter the topic,_ Liara smiled. She wanted to reach out and take her hand, as Shepard did in the med-station earlier, but self-control got the better of her. She cherished the contact, brief as it was.

'Where is everyone,' Shepard asked suddenly, breaking the silence as she arched an eyebrow at Liara. 'Hogging the whole beach? Seems a bit selfish, T'Soni,' she teased.

Liara laughed. 'A perk of being one of Thessia's most influential figureheads, no doubt.'

Shepard shook her head, emerald eyes taking in the view again. To their right, the green water stretched to the horizon, crystal-clear, beautifully serene. To the left, past the bright white sand, the gently rolling hills had turned to cliffs of dark rock, growing ever taller as they walked.

'I never thought…,' Shepard began, her voice trailing off as she stopped walking. Liara watched her, cocking her head slightly.

'Shepard,' she asked.

Shepard took a breath, tilting her head back as she ran a hand through her hair. 'I'm…happy for you, Liara,' she whispered. She turned then, gesturing to the paradise around them. 'You made it…you…,' she paused as their eyes met. Liara took a step closer, watching the roiling emotions in that emerald gaze. 'You deserved this, Blue,' Shepard finished quietly.

Liara bit her bottom lip as she nodded, dropping her eyes. Her mind went back to that horrible day in the hospital – relived Shepard's harsh words and the painful tears in her eye. There were no words for the pain it caused her, yet she knew that Shepard didn't _truly_ mean them at the time. Before her stood a woman who – for as long as she had known her – had always put others before herself. She stormed the middle. She took the fire. _She_ sacrificed _everything, in the hopes of giving others a future worth having._

Liara fought back the tears, willing her bottom lip to cease trembling. _All I ever wanted was to share it with you,_ she thought.

'So do you,' she whispered instead.

* * *

 _So do you._

She said it in a breathless whisper, yet it cut to Shepard's very soul. She turned from her then to hide her trembling lips and resumed her walk, unable to speak for several long minutes. _Goddammit Blue,_ she ached inside. _You don't know what I've done – what I've become._

'Shepard,' Liara called.

 _No, not now._ She couldn't do this. She couldn't let her see. _She won't understand, or forgive you – you'll only hurt her, shatter any delusional image you think she has of you – how you used to be. You're a fucking disgrace. What the fuck are you doing?!_

'Shepard, stop,' she persisted, and she felt a blue hand lace into hers. Liara pulled her around then, and she found herself locked into deep blue orbs of endless emotion. It terrified her and captivated her in equal measure. She couldn't hold it for long, so she dropped her head with a slow shake.

'Liara, don't,' she pleaded.

'Shepard –'

'You don't owe me anything,' she heard herself whisper. 'You've done enough already.'

She closed her eyes, unwilling to see Liara's reaction. She hears the Asari take a deep breath. _Just leave it alone, Blue,_ she thought.

'Is that what you think,' Liara paused, shock and doubt coloring her tone.

Shepard wrapped her arms around herself, watching her feet through the gentle lapping waves. She took a deep breath. Her mind raced. Her heart was thundering in her ears. She could feel her walls cracking with every passing second. _Get out, get out, get out,_ her mind screamed.

'I'm not who you think I am, Blue,' the confession fell from her trembling lips as she turned away. She didn't hear Liara follow. She walked several more steps, using the distance to swipe a tear from her eye and run a hand through her hair. ' _Fuck_ ,' she swore at herself.

'Shepard. Look at me,' there was something in Liara's voice – a _strength_ she never heard or had somehow forgotten. She turned hesitantly, every synapse in her brain telling her not to.

Liara stood with her arms at her side, her palms open, fingers spread. Her head was tilted down, but her eyes watched every move Shepard made. In that patient, hopeful gaze, Shepard saw nothing of judgement, pity or pain. Only a _longing,_ a look she knew all too well.

'All I know is this - I am here,' Liara paused, bringing a hand over her heart, 'and you are here,' she held out the other. She shook her head slowly, as her bottom lip trembled. ' _Do you not know why_ ,' she whispered. Her eyes had never been more beautiful, shining in the sunlight, pleading in their intensity.

 _Damn it, Blue,_ she felt a fresh tear roll down her cheek as she looked at that open hand. All she had to do was reach out – and take it. It wouldn't ease the pain in an instant; she didn't know if _anything_ could _._ But it would open the way – if she could just _let go_ of the past. She felt the weight of it pressing in on her – bearing down, unforgiving and unbearable.

 _Let it go,_ a voice buried under the years of guilt, shame and pain cried out.

Pale flesh wrapped around blue.

The next thing she knew, they were kneeling in the water as Liara held her. She couldn't stop the sobs, couldn't fight the tears. All she could do was apologize, over and over, as Liara hushed her.

'I am here,' Liara whispered, a mantra through the pain.

* * *

It was afternoon when they decided to head back to the house. Following the breakdown, they both turned inwards – little needed to be said. Liara felt her cheeks ache from smiling. She had never felt so _good._ There was still so much left to say – they both knew it – but enough progress had been made for one day. _We have time,_ she told herself.

Ribbons of clouds had rolled in, promising an afternoon shower. Shepard had commented about not wanting to get sun burned, so they agreed to head back. They walked, hand in hand now, along the shore.

Shepard stopped after a few minutes, releasing Liara's hand as she knelt to examine something. Puzzled, Liara followed suit. She saw a sad smile curve the human's lips. Shepard ran her fingers over a conch-shaped shell, half buried in the wet sand.

'Mordin,' Shepard whispered.

'The Salarian. On Tuchanka,' Liara remembered. Shepard looked to her, watering emerald eyes bright.

'Yeah,' she looked back to the shell, sniffed, then chuckled. 'He was a hoot. Always singing silly songs,' she paused, gesturing to the shell. 'Before he…cured the Genophage, he told me he'd like to retire on a beach.' She looked up, taking in the scenery. 'Said he'd like to collect sea-shells,' she whispered.

Liara saw the heart-ache on Shepard's face. She had known Mordin, briefly, during the war. He was part of Shepard's team during her stint with Cerberus – he had helped her take down the Collectors. After his death on the Krogan home-world, Shepard had spoken about him once – to Wrex and Bakara – and only once.

'Tell me what happened,' Liara asked.

Shepard sniffed wetly, pulling the shell from the sand. She turned it over in her hand as her eyes unfocused. Thunder rolled in the distance as the storm approached.

'I tried to stop him,' she paused as her eyes squeezed shut. 'The Shroud was on fire, falling apart around us. I tried to talk him out of it – but he wouldn't listen. I watched him get in that elevator and die – _because I couldn't find another way_.'

Liara frowned. _How many lives must you burden yourself with,_ she thought. _How much guilt can one person carry,_ she wondered. 'He was your friend, Shepard,' she closed her hand over the shell, taking her hand. 'I did not know him as you did, yet I do not think he would blame you, or want you to blame yourself.'

'He was… _happy_ ,' she barked a laugh. 'I've never seen someone so… _proud_ , knowing they were going to their death.' Liara watched her nod as she sniffed again. She shook her head. 'All this… _bullshit_ in my head…I'm sorry, Liara,' she raised her face, clouded green seeking blue. 'I'm a mess.'

Liara smiled then, hesitantly, taking a risk by cupping a pale freckled cheek. 'No apologies,' she used her thumb to wipe a tear. 'There is no shame in caring for the lost, Shepard.'

The heavens opened as they stood, letting the rain wash a little more of the pain away.

(A/N: Thank you all for the comments, and your continued indulgence :))


	11. Chapter 11

ELEVEN:

Fear

Love

Time

She sat on a padded wicker lounge under the stars. She held her legs curled up, resting her chin on her knee, emerald eyes watching the clear night sky. The air was deliciously cooler, so she wore a plain white t-shirt and a thin pair of grey sweats. _Never thought I'd miss the cold,_ she thought as her eyes took in the scenery. Thessia's moon was bright on the horizon, tinted green, roughly ten times the size of Luna back on Earth. She started counting the craters and dark patches of ruined cities on its surface.

It had been a long day – emotionally draining, yet she knew sleep wouldn't come easily this night. She found it difficult to categorize how she felt. She never let anyone see her break before; the shrinks had pushed her for years on Earth as they dug through the past, coached her about managing her triggers. All of it was academic. She had executed their instructions like stripping a rifle; mechanical, detached, _impassive._

Liara made her _feel._ It was terrifying – part of her felt the deepest shame for being so… _vulnerable._ Another part felt an overwhelming sense of relief; the _freedom_ of a burden lessened, without reproach or interrogation, without judgement or pity. She felt her eye water again as she heard Liara whispering ' _I am here_.'

 _So much conflict; so many questions. When does it end? Will it ever end?_

Part of her knew that it wouldn't – not really. The years of repression had already taken their toll. She would carry these demons for the rest of her days; however many she had left. And yet, she knew how she _felt_ after that collapse on the beach – the feeling of being wrapped in blue, of showing her _true_ self to the one soul who had always been there for her. Shedding her armor for those brief moments was like walking through cleansing fire: brutal, agonizing, uplifting and incredible.

They never spoke about it. What was there to say? They were in uncharted territory now – both of them shocked by what they had seen, heard and felt.

 _I hope I didn't scare her,_ Shepard thought as she swiped a tear across her knee. _Oh Blue…you don't know what you do to me. How can I tell you? How can I show you how much I appreciate you, after all the pain I've caused? How can you forgive me?_

Impossible to think such things.

 _Do you not know,_ she had asked – achingly soft.

Shepard took a deep breath as she watched the moon's reflection on the impossibly calm water as she hugged her legs tighter. _What did that mean? Do I know she cares? That she's my friend? That she…loves me?_ She buried her face in her knees. _I don't know. I can't hope for that – God, I don't know._

The absurdity of it all was not lost on her. Here she was: a soldier, a Spectre no less – the woman who charged into enemy fire, Reapers, _death itself -_ yet sat paralyzed by her own fear. Fear of rejection, fear of causing more harm, fear of _living._

 _I'm a goddamned coward._

Her hands ran through her shortened hair with the admission. She cut it, after dinner - unwilling to tolerate the stifling mane of oppression any longer. Thessia was too hot. She used a pair of scissors and a comb, slicing through scarlet locks after her shower. It felt better, lighter, like the rest of her.

 _Still._

She tried to focus, to summon the rational, analytical portions of her brain that were not muddled by emotion. _Assess the situation. Adapt and overcome._ She had always found a way – right or wrong, life or death, victory or defeat. The pain was always there – _always will be –_ a lifetime of snap-decisions and living with the consequences was her burden to carry.

 _There_ has _to be a way through this – there has to be a way to show her how I feel. How she_ makes _me feel. That's why I came here, isn't it? If it all goes south – what's left for me? What else can I possibly lose?_ Nothing. _I thought I was ready…I thought it was over. Now…Goddammit, Blue._

She watched the stars she loved twinkle in the void.

'Help me out here, Anderson,' she whispered.

She watched as a streak of blue-green flared briefly across the sky. A small smile curved her lips.

 _Roger that, Skipper._

* * *

Liara padded barefoot into her study, the soft fabric of her robe _swished_ as she walked. The lights were dimmed, letting the soft green moonlight flood in through the wide-open doors of the balcony and large windows. The air was cool but not chilly – a welcome reprieve from the day's heat. She walked to the edge of the balcony, breathing in the night air, enjoying the slight breeze as it caressed her skin.

 _Such a beautiful, peaceful night,_ she thought, lifting her gaze to the stars. She missed being out there – missed the simple life of an explorer, free from responsibility and politics. Part of her wanted to take the _E'Larissa_ and just… _go_ – never looking back – to wander the cosmos and discover all it's wonders.

 _A dream, now,_ she sighed. _Nothing will ever be as it was._

Her mind turned to Shepard with the thought, as she held herself tightly. _Goddess, how do I help her? She is in such pain, burdened by so much,_ the thought trailed away as she shook her head. _I would take that agony gladly, if she would only let me. How can I tell her? Does she really not know that I love her? That I've_ always _loved her?_

She came so close to falling apart today; holding Shepard as she sobbed, feeling her trembling body in her arms. It was almost her undoing. She wanted nothing more than to tell her that she was _not_ alone – that she loved her, _needed_ her. Liara cursed herself for being so weak.

 _And yet._

She knew the timing was wrong. She needed to be careful. Shepard was obviously under considerable emotional strain – simply _being_ here on Thessia had likely prompted a host of painful memories to the front of her mind.

 _Perhaps this was not the best course of action,_ she thought again as she slid a hand up her forehead and over her crests. _Goddess, I feel so lost. Blind, fumbling in the dark, desperately reaching for shadows and dust. She couldn't even look at me at dinner – barely said a word to anyone before leaving for her room. Did I push too far? Did I force that pain upon her?_

Tears welled from the depths of her cerulean eyes as she shut them tightly.

 _In my selfish need…have I driven her away?_

She turned from the moonlight then – holding her face, brow knitted at the thought. Her mind wandered as she walked – with no conscious destination – from the study. She had been wandering the house more and more lately, in truth. Always lost in thought – worried about the future – fretting over the past.

 _I lost her once – in more ways than one,_ she frowned at the thought. Shepard's death at Alchera had broken her; to know love so briefly and have it torn away so violently had scarred her in more ways than she wanted to admit. _Yet she came back,_ Liara shook her head, _and nothing could ever be the same._

She remembered after the Shadow Broker, after the surging adrenaline rush of that brutal fight: They stood near the comms terminals, both of them guarded and distant for different reasons. Liara knew she had sacrificed Shepard's love for her to bring her back – by giving her to Cerberus. Nothing she said could change that – yet she watched Shepard's face, scarred even then yet… _open,_ and saw the embers of what once was in her emerald eyes.

 _In time, perhaps, you will forgive me,_ she remembered thinking. _Goddess knows I will always love you._

The words were spoken - they would remain friends. The Collectors were dead – yet the true enemy remained. The Reapers were coming. Nothing else mattered.

 _But it did! Goddess, it did,_ she wanted to scream. _All her pain, the grief, the triumphs and defeats, ALL of it…I could have helped her shoulder it. I should have!_

She found herself in the wide-open foyer, watching her reflection through the mosaic tiles below her feet. Her eyes drifted, half lidded by guilt, to the lonely piano nestled into a corner. She didn't feel like playing. She had been neglecting her lessons for months.

Her feet carried her towards it anyway.

* * *

Shepard had been wandering the house, hoping to find Liara, when the first few notes reached her ears. She knew what it was instantly yet didn't know where it was. She hoped it was Liara but forced the spike of excitement down. _It's a big house, with a lot of people. Might be anyone,_ she told herself.

She focused on the sound, letting her eyes follow her ears. The notes were soft – melancholic yet…hopeful. The sound echoed, throwing her off track, taking her down corridors and hallways that seemed to look alike. _This place is entirely too big,_ she shook her head.

She tried not to hurry. The growls from her prosthetics were anything but quiet – especially if she moved quickly. She didn't want to wake anyone – or alert whoever was playing the piano. There was only so much she could do though. _So much for infiltration or evasion,_ she sighed.

She cleared a hallway, recognizing the tall sweeping ceiling of the main foyer from the dark beams of stained wood high overhead. She was on the second level, and as she approached the railing, leaning on her forearms, she looked down.

 _Liara._

She sat at the piano – her back to Shepard – playing the sad, slow song. To Shepard's ears, it spoke of longing, of regret and loss. She felt her heart ache from the sound alone. _Ah, Blue,_ she shook her head. _What are you doing to yourself?_

The notes changed as the song evolved, higher keys in a faster tempo. Grief turned to relief, sadness to hope, loss to joy. She cocked her head, listening, feeling her bottom lip tremble. Her legs moved of their own – towards the wide staircase. Her eyes never left Liara; her head bowed, eyes closed as she played.

The spell was broken as she descended the stairs – Liara's slender blue hands ceased and she folded them on her lap. _Damned mechanical freak,_ she thought venomously as she stopped at the bottom of the stairs, watching her. She didn't turn to face her or lift her head.

'I am sorry if I woke you,' Liara whispered.

Shepard shrugged. 'I…couldn't sleep,' she walked closer. 'Guess I'm not the only one.'

Liara lifted her head at last, taking a breath. 'No,' she said softly.

Silence stretched. 'Want some company,' Shepard asked, matching her tone.

Liara brushed her hands across her face before turning to Shepard, a small smile on her face. 'Yes,' she said simply. She stood, approaching Shepard. Her head cocked as her blue eyes roamed the woman's face. 'You cut your hair.'

Shepard felt one corner of her lips lift as she ran a hand through it. 'Yeah,' she dropped her eyes. 'Was too hot under all that.'

Liara beamed. 'I like it,' she nodded, gesturing to the doors on the far side of the foyer leading to the gardens. 'It is a beautiful night. Would you like to talk outside,' she asked.

Shepard nodded. 'Okay.'

They walked in silence, only the soft padding of bare feet and the snarls from artificial limbs marked their passing. Shepard felt her heart hammering in her chest. It thundered in her ears, impossibly loud, drowning everything out. She took a deep breath and rolled her shoulders – trying to diffuse the tension.

Liara noticed as they entered the patio overlooking the gardens. Her face was drawn into a mask of concern, her eyes glittered in the moonlight. 'Shepard…I,' she began, then her face fell with her eyes. 'I do not want to make you uncomfortable,' she finished, barely more than a whisper.

Shepard felt her brow knit as she took a step closer. 'Not uncomfortable, Blue,' she shook her head. The moonlight danced over Liara's skin – she almost _sparkled_ in the light-green radiance. Shepard felt her throat tightening. 'Terrified,' she choked on the word.

Liara dropped her head to her chest, her bottom lip quivering.

'No,' Shepard moved closer instantly – unable to stop herself. Her body was trembling as she ran her hands up Liara's arms to cup her cheeks. She brushed her tears away with slow swipes of her thumbs. 'I don't want to hurt you, Blue,' she fumbled the words out through numbed lips. 'I never wanted to hurt you.'

Liara's impossibly blue eyes searched her own as they welled with tears. Her hands snaked up, holding onto Shepard's forearms as she pressed their bodies together. She felt her breath as her lips parted. She felt Liara try to shake her head.

' _Shepard_ , _please_ ,' she barely heard Liara croak the words – her eyes told her everything, as they always did. She lost herself in those brilliant pools of blue, consumed by the longing desperation within. She watched them grow larger as she pulled Liara's face closer.

Their foreheads met.

Eyelids fell as noses touched.

Soft blue lips brushed against pale pink, flavored with sweet, gentle tears.

Time stood still.


	12. Chapter 12

TWELVE:

Desire

Enlightenment

Home

 _Goddess._

The gentle kiss lingered for several heartbeats as they held each other in the moonlight, then Shepard pushed harder – slowly, Liara responded. Her face tilted up, her hands slid down Shepard's arms to her shoulders then her back. Blue lips locked onto pink as the kiss deepened, and she groaned from the first tantalizing brush of Shepard's tongue.

She pulled them backwards, taking awkward steps, towards the patio couches stationed under a pavilion of cloth and wood. Liara turned, pressing Shepard down, moving with her to straddle her lap. Their lips never parted.

She felt her robe open with a rush of cool night air, only to be replaced by the fierce heat from Shepard as the woman pulled her close. Her head was swimming now – past reason and control – well into the nebulous realm of lust and desire. Her heart pounded in her chest as her lungs started to burn.

She gasped as their lips broke and her hands found Shepard's hair. She ran her fingers through it, gripped it, pulling her face up as Shepard's mouth found her neck. Shepard's hands roamed her body – caressing, squeezing, re-acquainting herself with the terrain. Both of them groaned as Shepard bit down, squeezing Liara's ass in a firm grip, pulling her even closer.

Liara felt her eyes darken.

 _N-no,_ she screamed at herself. _Not y-yet._

She bit her bottom lip to keep from crying out as Shepard's mouth moved down her throat, to the valley between her breasts. Pale fingers raked across naked blue thighs. Her hips were moving on their own now, slowly grinding against the human on instinct. The savage heat between her legs burned hotter every second.

Wisps of biotic energy danced across her skin like purple smoke. She arched her back as Shepard's mouth found a nipple and her hands slid up the sides of her torso. She released her hair in a rush, gripped a shoulder and covered her mouth with the other, whimpering.

She screwed her eyes shut against the instinct to meld. _N-not…yet!_

She was panting now with effort, her body trembling. She gripped Shepard's shirt, ripping it open in her lust-fueled haze, baring Shepard's breasts to the moonlight. Her right hand returned to the scarlet locks as her left roamed across scarred flesh. She felt every ridge, every divot, every lump. She felt Shepard's straining muscles as she passed her navel. She pulled Shepard's mouth up to hers in a crushing kiss as her blue hand dove into the heat beneath her sweats.

A furnace of squishy, slick wetness met her fingers.

She felt Shepard shudder – groaning into her mouth.

Then she felt the warmth of Shepard's hand brush her azure.

The kiss broke as she fell forward, gripping the top of the sofa as her back arched. She buried her face in Shepard's neck in a wordless gasp, latching onto the woman's neck to stifle another cry as a slender finger penetrated her.

 _C-can't…hold much…longer,_ she desperately fought to control her desire to meld.

Shepard turned to her, kissing along her jawline towards her mouth. Fierce green eyes locked onto savage blue.

'I've missed you, Blue.'

Liara tried to answer, but words wouldn't come. She felt her face lock in ecstasy – eyes wide, mouth open, utterly incapable of any other expression. She whimpered again as their lips crashed together again, tongues dancing.

She couldn't hold. Her walls were breaking as the aching need for release built inside. Both were shuddering harder, now – unable to fight the inevitable.

' _Oh, Goddess,'_ she managed to moan.

'It's ok, Blue,' Shepard panted. 'Do it.'

She threw her head back with a moan as cerulean eyes flooded to oily black.

* * *

Shepard felt the surge of alien invasiveness in her mind; a flood of sensation assaulted her in a rush of overwhelming _need._ She felt their bodies entwine – her perceptions shifting as she felt Liara's aching desire – and Liara felt hers. Wetness, heat, tingling skin, heaving breaths, burning lungs, clenching muscles.

As the connection deepened, she felt her _mind._

A tidal wave of emotion erupted as two became _one._ Memories flashed in rapid sequence – bitter and joyous, cruel and hopeful, painful and rapturous – so powerful that their physical forms were all but forgotten as they writhed and cried out in ecstasy and agony.

The deepest, darkest places of themselves were laid bare; all the horror, the shame, the guilt and pain. Every hope, every dream, every moment of longing and unspoken desire. Above all – the brilliant, searing love of two souls who realized at last that they _both_ had made mistakes along the way. Both finally _understood._ With that enlightenment – an ocean of forgiveness exploded through their souls.

Shepard found herself standing, completely nude, in an ocean of stars. She knew without looking that her body was whole – pristine, without a single scar or blemish. She turned, _feeling_ the approaching light of her lover.

Liara was love incarnate. Her body _glowed_ from within as she padded towards her - smiling brightly, hips swaying, her feet sending gentle ripples out into the infinite. The cosmos reflected in her eyes – impossibly beautiful, utterly captivating.

Shepard felt her knees weaken. _My God, Liara,_ she thought, sinking to her knees.

 _Flatterer,_ she heard Liara's sweet voice answer. She was smiling down at her, offering her hands. _Up you get, my beautiful Shepard._

She felt her eyes water, even in this place. _You know._

Liara's smile faltered, but never left. She reached down, cupping Shepard's face as she knelt. _Yes, and you know as well,_ she paused to place a gentle kiss on Shepard's lips. _You know._

Tears spilled from Shepard's eyes as she nodded. Part of her had always known – she was too afraid, to blind, to accept it. In her fear she buried her hopes, love and dreams under layers of self-deception, guilt, and pain. Liara saw everything – _knew_ everything. There were no secrets here, only blissful forgiveness and understanding. Only _love._

Shepard reached out, holding Liara's face in her hands.

Liara draped her arms over Shepard's shoulders as she ran her fingers through her hair.

 _I love you so much,_ two souls whispered in eternity.

Their lips met as the cosmos around them bloomed into brilliant white light.

Shepard felt Liara collapse on top of her as their chests heaved for breath. She held on to her limp body as they both shook – slick with sweat, spasming uncontrollably from exertion. The lingering sensations from the meld left her mind and body overloaded, brutally sensitive; she struggled to regain any sense of herself as she panted.

Liara seemed even more exhausted; like a boned fish. Shepard watched the flushed face of her lover as she struggled to open her eyes. She managed a weak smile, planting a soft kiss on her parted lips.

'You ok?'

'Mmm,' Liara managed.

Shepard chuckled. 'C'mon, lets get you to bed.'

After a few moments without any response, she cradled Liara's limp body into her arms. 'You owe me a new shirt, Blue,' she whispered with a grin as she carried her into the house.

* * *

Liara woke to the feeling of warmth surrounding her – wrapped in Shepard and soft sheets. Her fingers curled around silken locks. Shepard's scent filled her nostrils. She opened her eyes, following her hand as she explored the tapestry of scars under her touch.

 _Shepard,_ her heart ached. _Goddess._

Her fingers traced the outline of her shoulder – the thin line where her true flesh met the numb synthetic covering of her artificial limb. It was noticeably colder than the rest of her – one of several painful reminders of what she sacrificed so others could live.

 _That horrible choice. Goddess! That impossible decision – how could one soul bear such a burden? No one should ever face such cruelty – to come so far, endure so much, only to find that at the end none of it made any difference. One choice – one alone – decided the fate of the galaxy._

She felt her eyes well with tears as she continued her exploration. Shepard snored quietly, utterly at peace. The scars on her face twitched as she slept. Liara brushed stray locks from her face gently.

 _Anderson. Thane. Miranda. Legion. Mordin. The Batarians killed by the Alpha Relay. Kaiden, killed on Virmire. So much death, so much guilt. She kept it all in – because she felt responsible. The weight dragged her down a dark path – a path she could not bare to share with anyone. A path that nearly consumed her – because she thought she was alone._

In her mind, she saw Shepard as she pressed the pistol to her head.

 _No,_ she tensed, _she is here. That is all that matters, now._

She watched as Shepard's eyes fluttered open. Sleepy green orbs drifted to meet her gaze. A small smile curved across pink lips. Her arms tightened around Liara as she shifted, pressing their bodies tighter.

'Hey Blue,' she whispered, kissing Liara's head then her lips. Liara cupped her face with one hand, savoring the moment.

'Morning,' she smiled through the kiss. 'How did you sleep?'

Shepard's smile widened to a grin – earning a giggle from Liara as she pulled the Asari up onto her, kissing her again.

'Mmm,' Liara hummed, resting on her elbows as she cradled Shepard's head. She looked down at her, drinking in every detail of the woman's face – every freckle, every scar, the way the morning light danced in her emerald eyes.

'I will never leave you again,' the words fell from her lips, unbidden. She watched Shepard's face soften as her hands held Liara's cheeks – brushing imaginary tears away with her thumbs.

'Me neither Blue,' Shepard whispered. 'I'm home now.'

(A/N: Thank you all for reading. Think I'm going to take a break from this for a while – part of me feels like this has run its natural course. I might continue if inspiration strikes, who knows. Oh and sorry about this chapter being so short - this was waay outside my comfort zone lol. Thanks again)


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